Obsession

Lately, I've been obsessed with paperweights. I have them all over my desk at work. I'd have them at home, but Lola and Flash are ultra frisky and have a tendency to knock things over and break them. I have visions of coming home from work and seeing broken shards all over...hence, leaving all of them at work.

I've even bought a few paperweights from Ebay. Of course, they look grand and beautiful in digital photo form but when I finally get them in the mail, they're not as luminous as I would have hoped for.

Was in the city with Jaime awhile ago and we passed by a store that had tons of paperweights in its display window. I figured, "Why not go in?" Was not ready to see pricetags of $100+.

I guess what fascinates me is the collision of colors. They remind me of kaleidoscopes.

I guess part of the fascination is also connected to my father. I don't remember much about him, but I do recall that on his workdesk, there were various paperweights. Most vividly, I recall a paperweight that had a bright orange and mustard yellow color combination.

I might try to sneak one or two real nice paperweights onto the wedding registry...

Tears of Happiness?

I don't know what's going on with me, but lately I have been crying at just about everything. Don't know if it can be attributed to some weird emotional change in me now that I am becoming a bride... or maybe I'm being affected by not being on birth control anymore. All I know is that I cry at a wide array of things.

I wouldn't say that it is excessive crying, but anyone who knows me knows that it takes quite a bit to make me cry. Sometimes I cry amidst obvious moments. When we met with the priest and were discussing the marriage ceremony, he asked, "Why do you want to marry John?" All I could do was look over at John and then, while crying, say, "Because I love him." He then answered the priest's same question with this amazingly complex answer... which, in retrospect, makes me laugh. My answer involved crying so it is "better," so I claim:)

I've been crying at stupid things lately... American Idol being a prime example...or The Biggest Loser. Reality shows are not intended to make people cry...in fact, they're supposed to provoke the opposite response: pointing at the tv screen, laughing, being shocked, being amazed, but not being drawn to tears.

I also just watched the movie Once...The movie's main song, "Falling Slowly," made me cry. The movie has the song within it at least 3 times... all 3 times, it had the same effect on me.

I don't think this phenomenon is a bad thing...it's just different for me. And I can only imagine my wedding day. My emotions, whether happy or sad, seem to stay within me and then suddenly, they explode. I think I should invest in Kleenex stock before October.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoSL_qayMCc

Dolly Parton--a deep thinker?

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain..." ---yes, indeed---a quote by Dolly Parton.

Our students are prepping for state testing and we're encouraging them to use quotations in opening sentences....so cheesy quotations are hanging up all over the school. I actually don't mind that Dolly Parton quotation--although I can't ever imagine admitting to "quoting" Dolly Parton.

Things have felt down lately... I don't know, it might just be my reflection on today. I felt so out of it at work, so tired... not even caffeine tablets could energize me.

Wedding planning is going okay. I honestly don't get why people freak out. If you take it one step at a time, it's manageable. Am freaking out a bit because John's mom showed me the guest list for their side and it is 120. I'm not too picky but I totally want to avoid having tables of 10; 10 at a table is so incredibly crowded. If they have 120, just on their side, it will be tables of 10. I'm hoping for people to RSVP "No." ;-)

Work kind of sucks. The kids are off the wall and understandably so. Spring break is eons away. I know I shouldn't complain because other people hardly get any time off, in comparison to what teachers get...but we need this break...badly.

Also... I think I got scammed on Ebay:( It's only a 7 dollar pair of earrings, but I'm annoyed. AFTER purchasing the item, I looked at the seller's feedback and some people mentioned they never got their item. 2 weeks later, I am still waiting for mine:(

I know none of what I am feeling now is anything all too tragic or horrible. I just feel like I am living life as if I am a pause button on a CD player...no moving forward, backward, or anywhere. God, that sounds pathetic and angsty. I think I just need to get some sleep.