Sunday Laziness

I tend to be quite lazy on Sundays...sometimes to the point of not seeing daylight all day. This is the case with today--it's 3:40 and my biggest accomplishment of the day has been watching the 1st two episodes of Six Feet Under, Season Three. I'm annoyed though--the first two episodes sucked. I LOVe Peter Krause but I refuse to continue watching the seasons on DVD if the rest of the seaosn three episodes are as bad as this one.

On a side note, I have no idea how I will cope with Sunday laziness when I have kids. Will Sunday laziness cease to exist? I hope not....

I feel proud of myself though- actually "did stuff" this weekend. On Friday, saw my friend from "down the Shore" [i am originally from "down the Shore" and it cracks me up when people use that phrase up here in North Jersey] and we saw a cover band. This eccentric guy (not IN the band, but an audience member) was dressed up as Albert Einstein; I guess that was his schtick. He was walking around the bar and dancing. Funny thing is I told a friend about this guy---she said that she saw this guy at a show (same cover band) last year... he must be a pseudo-groupie!

Last night, I went to see a metal band. My friend bought tickets and had no one to go with-- I offered to go. She's always so sweet and generous-- if she wanted to stare at the ceiling for 3 hours and wanted a friend to be there with her, I'd most likely say "yes." The band was called Mastodon and although I plan on never listening to their music in my free time or buying any of their CDs, it was AMAZING to watch them on stage. Watching kids crowd surfing was interesting too. Two kids circumvented the security guards who were catching the crowd surfers---these two kids ended up on the stage---the security guards held them by their necks (like it was right out of a movie) and "tossed them out."

If I wasn't a teacher, I think I'd make a good "professional people watcher." I get entranced by watching people and seeing how they interact with one another.

Also--- note to any single people out there: metal shows are the PLACE to meet men. The ratio of men to women was somewhere in the range of 50:1. Most of the guys at this show were fairly good looking. We're not talking 'bout 80s hair metal fans...I don't know what kind of metal Mastodon is known for... but in the crowd I mostly saw guys with nice, normal hair and good goatees :) I saw this one guy who had on a 70s-ish yellow cardigan with cordoroy pants. He definitely stood out a bit.

Is there a "Web 1.5"? If so, that's me.

The notion of literacy is expanded even more in ch 2 of New Literacies 2.0. Knobel and Lankshear explicate the different mindsets prevalent in 2007: Web 1.0 and Web 2.0. The most important point of this chapter is that "We are presently at a point in the historical- cultural development of literacy where we don’t really know how to deal educationally with these new literacies." School-sanctioned activities/lessons indeed seem to be separate entities when compared to students' home lives and the literacy activities that engage them in their private lives.

The biggest challenge is that our Web 2.0 students are mostly being taught by Web 1.0 teachers. Even though the chapter mentions that anyone 35 or under would be classified as Web 2.0 (me!), I still feel like a Web 1.0 teacher. Instead of writing Do Nows on the chalkboard, I project the images onto the Smartboard. Instead of handing out Xeroxes of a poem or photo, I use the laptop and Smartboard. Instead of having students always create posters for group projects, they use Powerpoint and Clipart. It's just a different means to address the same end. In other words, I am really not doing anything different than I have previously done.

The "old wine in new bottle" metaphor is perfect for the current challenge in education, in connection to new literacies and teaching to those new literacy forms. In the study within chapter 2, students were given laptops for supposed productive class activities. The teacher seemed to conclude that the laptops were for notetaking. While she analyzed a poem and occasionally sought student input, most students were Iming each other or reading blogs. While the multitasking is "okay," perhaps the teacher could have included multitasking elements into her lesson (example: giving students lists of Robert Frost links, giving students links to other related poems, etc in order to let them multitask in connection to the task at hand). My above idea is best summarized with the phrase, "Easier said than done."

I think the issue for teachers nowadays is the "fear factor." There are a lot of productive activities that students could do online and through use of technology, but there's always that fear that they might Google an inappropriate site or image. As said in chapter 2, filtering does not always work because you might be restricting students' searches too much, resulting in students being frustrated.

Additionally, although today's students may be able to multitask well, as teachers it is uncomfortable to think they text message friends and fully hear us at the same time. I know when I teach and see a student drawing or doodling, many times (despite having read articles that say this is fine so long as the student is also managing the task at hand) I tell the student to put the pen/pencil down. How do I monitor whether he/she is addressing the task at hand each second that he/she is also drawing? I also feel like a hypocrite sometimes. While I chastise students who are drawing while I am teaching, here I am typing out this homework assignment. At the same time, I am listening to music and going to Webpages every few minutes. Yet, I am still on task.

Web 2.0 members are part of "collective intelligence." As literacy teachers (all of us, no matter what core subject we teach), it is difficult to know how to handle the Web 2.0 generation. We obviously aren't going to handle all the reins over to the students, but how do we let go of our we-are-the-expert/authority mentality and mix in opportunities for students to show collective intelligence?

This chapter especially influenced me through the examples of Amazon.com and how that company has changed the shopping experience. Experts on entertainment value of particular titles are now not only New York Times reviewers; the experts are also the general public. I can't even count how many times I have gone to sites like Amazon and had the experience of user reviews either persuading or dissuading me from buying a product. This is a different experience from previous generations because instead of relying on "experts" (for example, professional book reviewers), we are relying on each other. If I could somehow convert this experience to the classroom—where I wouldn't feel the need to show MY expertise on topics, but instead would allow my knowledge to combine with students' knowledge (knowledge from their own background experiences and knowledge from Web resources that they find).

This chapter makes literacy seem like an even more complicated maze than I ever thought. I am looking forward to reading chapter 3 because even though I have seen the word "new literacies" over and over, I still do not know if I "get it." My Web 2.0 mind (I'm a little of column A, a little of column B--- in connection to Web mindsets) is telling me to Google "new literacies" and get some more knowledge.

'Til I write again…

New Literacies 2.0, ch 1: What IS Reading?

When I got my first teaching job (still my current job), I was told that the open position had changed from Language Arts to a Reading position. I was asked if that would be a problem, while simultaneously being told that the Reading class was basically the same as Language Arts. Fresh out of college and looking for a job, I replied, without much thought, “Yes, I’m still interested.”

And here I am 5 years later.

At my school, “Reading” class was created because they switched to block scheduling and if they didn’t create a pseudo-Language Arts class, two L.A. teachers would be out of a job. I am “allowed” to use the content area/on-fiction selections in the Prentice Hall text (most of which are painfully boring and selections which middle schoolers can’t connect to). I have since added in tons of illegal photocopied stories and a novel J .

To me, Reading is so much more than decoding, comprehension, writing, and oral reading fluency. Literacy is also much more than the above skills. To me, literacy is the simultaneous viewing, understanding, interpreting, and interacting with text of any kind…and trying to address the implications of that specific text.

In ch 1 of New Literacies 2.0, the complex views of literacy seem to have one similarity: the idea that literacy is not an independent, individual act--- it involves one’s social/cultural interactions with another person, group, or institution. Freire’s concept of literacy stated that it was necessary for people to “read the word and the world.” With Freire, reading was more than looking at words on a page and being able to pronounce them. Words could allow people to be critically aware of oppression and even attempt to change it.

[ I wish I had the Freire/Macedo book in front of me. I used Literacy: Reading the Word and the World for a course last semester; somehow that book and a Paul Gee book are currently “missing” from my bookshelf—I have this fear that I somehow accidentally returned them to the MSU library---I’m a pretty calm, laidback person but it frustrates me to no end when I lose/misplace books]

Gee saw literacy as being able to participate in many discourses, both primary and seconday. While Freire and Gee’s notions both involve the “reader’s” participation in the world, Freire’s notion seems to be that if your discourse is considered less dominant then you should use your knowledge and try to raise awareness about the oppression.

With literacy, there is more at stake. Literacy is not just decoding novels and knowing how to read the newspaper. Literacy is taking a critical look at texts and figuring out how they fit into the world and considering additional texts that people need to be exposed to.

Further complexities of literacy were shown through Green’s (1988) three-dimensional model, with the most important point being that “no one dimension has priority over the others.” Green’s concept seems close to Gee’s idea that a powerful literacy is not necessarily one specific type of literacy; rather it is a “fluent mastery of languages uses within…secondary Discourses” (p.17).

Nowadays, literacy is more than reading a book, knowing the answer to a comprehension question, or using website information. Literacy is maneuvering in our current world, both “physical space” and cyberspace. Literacy is maneuvering between those worlds and knowing how to interpret information/knowing which information is not worth interpreting. Literacy is being able to use information to control or change
one’s world.

Literacy in the 21st century is multi-faceted--- it makes me think of a tree with various branches breaking off from one another into smaller branches, which eventually then somehow intersect with one another.

Bullshit news

I have been in a good mood today. When I left work, as I walked down the hallway, I could feel a huge smile spread across my face. Went and worked out- nothing big--just walking on the treadmill and listening to some good music.

All this stuff about the death of Anna Nicole Smith was on...CNN! Although CNN tries to be "real news," they're just like any other major news channel...succumbing to gossip. It cracks me up to watch the news...turn on different stations and they basically have the same segments on at the same time. Yesterday, CNN and Fox News Channel both had something on Lisa Nowak, the astronaut who tried to kidnap/kill another woman who was in love with an astronaut that she [Lisa] also loved...so soap operaish...and difficult to express with correct syntax. One news station entitled their segment, "Lunar Love Triangle." Another station had the headline title of "Astro-nut?"

Sometimes I think it would be fun to work for news stations and think up witty feature story titles...then I snap back into reality.

The Anna Nicole Smith coverage is ludicrous. I guess it is "sad" that she died and, yes, she is a pop culture figure but who really cares? While on the treadmill, I saw all the Anna Nicole footage...you couldn't miss it. Tomorrow they are doing an autopsy. I don't think I'd be surprised if the death was somehow connected to Trimspa and all that crap that she took to lose weight. I know weight loss stuff is "supposed" to be safe [or so they say], but all of that metabolism-increasing stuff has to be bad for you....maybe some type of heart condition/attack. It could have been some type of overdose too...

Regardless, is it really necessary to have this all over the news? Tonight's Larry King is devoted to Anna Nicole Smith. Thank goodness it is Thursday night and NBC rocks- I will have no temptation to switch over to Larry King Live. I try to stay away from the pointless "news" crap but it's hard when it is on every channel...

Grade grubbing

We just switched to a new semester last week---so I got new students. It is truly refreshing. I can toss lessons/policies that do not work and start all over. Since my 8th graders never take "Do Nows" seriously [I kind of think they're lame too], I am instead having them do 5 minutes of freewriting. Though it isnt that much time, it certainly feels like a LONG time to them. The kids are enjoying it, thus far. I have a writing prompt website that I show on my Smartboard and they can respond to whatever they want--or they can write something else unrelated to the prompts. The topics are ludicrous and fun... for example: what would you do if cows gave root beer instead of milk? Since the students also have Language Arts class in addition to Reading [and since LA is considered core and my class is "supplemental,"] I can basically do whatever I want with the curriculum. The focus of the freewriting is not grammar, paragraphs, etc. It's just a way to get them focused for class...and it is working so far! I also use the time to write---although I find that my writing is choppy and UNeloquent. I want my creativity back!

Today at the end of the day, a student from last semester came to my classroom. I instantly said, "Let me guess- you want to know about your grade." This is a student who is "smart" but has been lazy in my class. I gave him several opportunities to hand in a very important assignment [I even sent a handwritten message to his new teacher for this semester] and he never did... this resulted in his final average for marking period two coming out to a C. I HATE how students think a C= an F. Furthermore, I am very clear with my expectations for my course. If a student gets a C or below, he is either having tons of difficulty with my class and NOT doing homework or he is doing nothing at all.

I explained why he got the grade and of course he gave me "puppy dog" eyes, saying he handed in the work to the Absentee bin in the classroom this past Monday and blah, blah, blah. I asked when he dropped off the papers and he said, "You weren't here; the lights were off but your door was open." Hmm...interesting coincidence...I just so happened to be out of the room when the work was handed in. Then he continued talking and had the audacity to say, "Maybe you lost the papers I handed in." I ended the conversation by telling him that I saw no papers in the Absentee bin and, additionally, the marking period ended last Friday so if he handed in the papers on Monday, then I was not under any obligation to even accept the work.

It doesn't surprise me that this student came to see me about his C average. This is the same student whose mother, upon him being written up for disruptive behavior, stated that I have a "personal vendetta" against her son--- ridiculous!

The whole situation just pissed me off. I get more and more of these grade arguments all the time. Kids have a thousand excuses--- so do their parents.

What makes me even more upset are the kids who are doing poorly in my class [D/F] and whose parents I call...sometimes the parents don't call back or just sound nonchalant when I say, "Your child is failing."

Being a parent is a hard job, obviously...but there has to be a middle ground between the passive, non-chalant parent and the ridiculous, excuse-making parent.

Searching for a hobby

I had my clothing all ready for the gym- everything was packed and in my car so that when I left work, I would drive directly to the gym, get changed, and work out...

1 omelette and half a hamburger later, here I am... oh well, there's always tomorrow.

I think that I need a hobby. I do "things" with my free time, but I don't do anything that is particularly active. I also do not do too many things that require someone else to be present. Watching movies, jogging on a treadmill with my Ipod on the highest volume, obsessively playing Tetris, reading...these are all fairly solo activities.

I tried taking a jewelry making class 2 years ago. I got frustrated...I couldn't figure out how to make the stupid clasp for the necklace and the teacher wasn't much help- she would just finish the project for you. I hate that!

I've done teacher poetry programs through the Dodge foundation...that's enriching and everything but... I'd like to do something else.

My friend, Jaime, can do everything-- she makes stain glass designs for her apartment...she can fix things...she can put up sheetrock! I feel like I am so passive... and I don't know why I whine...if I want to change, it is up to me...and it is not really even an issue of changing...just of being more open to things. I've been known to work hard at things and put effort into accomplishing tasks--- but usually I am working hard at things that I am normally good at... I usually quit doing something once I am not too good at it... maybe I will have to give the clasp-making a 2nd try. [cue cheesy inspirational music...]

Technology and today's children

Last night, I went to the public library for a program about papercutting. The program was led by a man named Homer Hansen. He has created papercutting designs for years. By simply folding a sheet of paper into a square and making various cuts, he is able to create intricate designs.

I got to talking to Homer and asked him if he had any grandchildren. He told me that he didn’t have grandchildren. However, he often teaches papercutting programs for children at various libraries and schools. He said he doesn’t like the idea of video games where children are being exposed to killing and violence; he likes to show them simple papercut designs so that they do not get frustrated and will at least attempt to create a work of art.

Homer is an interesting man because despite being 8o years old and doing “old school” activities like papercutting, he incorporates technology into his life. He uses email to correspond with libraries and schools. He also has his own newsletter that he prints “whenever he feels like it” (that’s what it truly says on one of the newsletter covers). One of the newsletter covers was made through the process of scanning fabric!

I think about Homer and then I think about the children of today--- two vastly different generations.

I can’t say that the findings of this week’s readings surprised me. In the article, “Children Online,” I liked reading about the researcher’s experience of learning about an online community called Gathering of the Elves. The online community reminded me of the type of clique you’d see at a middle or high school. I didn’t think rejection could really occur in online forums, but the article gave the example of a girl who would post to awkward,off-storyline threads to the discussion board. For awhile, she was shunned and her posts were ignored. Finally, Elianna stepped into the situation and discussed the posts with the young girl. One could even say that Elianna intervened in a bullying situation.

While I can see how online communities are social arenas and while these virtual worlds provide opportunities for critical thinking and creativity, children still need to see one another face-to-face. I like the idea of the online community but it would be nice to imagine all of these online players meeting at a coffee shop once in awhile, bringing their laptops and planning out storylines and dialogue together, in person.

In connection to the findings of the Henry J. Kaiser foundation, what surprised me was that despite being told by professionals that children under the age of 2 should not watch any television, during a normal day 68% of all children use screen media (a majority use screen media in the form of a TV). While I think that it seems near-impossible for a parent to not have their child watch any television (99% of all homes own tvs, afterall), I worry about the television that parents do allow their children to watch. I work at a public library and parents are constantly coming in and taking out Leap Frog and Baby Einstein videos. I think to myself, instead of having your kid plop down and watch TV, why not give her enriching experiences like going to a children’s museum or walking around a park? The article even used the word “babysitter” in connection to some parents’ use of television.

The Kaiser article’s assessment of how proactive toddlers are in connection to technology makes me think about how many of today’s children seem to have this attitude of “Me, me, me!” When today’s toddlers and preschoolers are turning on TVs themselves, loading CD-Roms, and asking for favorite DVDs/videos, I have to ask myself, “Who’s the head of the household?” 54% of respondents said that they always enforce media rules within their household. What about the other 46% of parents/respondents? I also wonder what the specific media rules are.

Out of the entire Kaiser Family study, it was satisfying to see that reading/being read to is mostly a constant part of children’s lives, despite the advancements of video games and children’s entertainment. Although the article cited reading as a constant part of children’s lives, I think that it is safe to say that technology still plays a greater role in the majority of children’s free time. Things may reverse though---who knows? Things tend to work in the way of cycles. I recently read an article about math in schools and a “return to the basics.” While technology will always be a part of our lives, I have this idealized vision that eventually kids will be like the man who I met last night---mixing new technologies with simpler, yet valuable activities. A world consisting of countless Homer Hansens wouldn’t be all that bad.

exercise, schmexercise.....

Agh- haven't been to the gym in 2 weeks...and feel okay about it. My sister stopped going to the gym 3 months ago...she has since lost 10 pounds...she eats Mcdonald's [not all the time, but sometimes] and is not a "dieter." We sisters formed a theory...we think that people who exercise sometimes tend to overeat because they assume that they'll just burn off the extra calories...but maybe in reality, they are consuming way more than they are burning off.

So... I just haven't gone to the gym lately. I feel like I am at a plateau. I am always the same weight. I think I eat a healthy diet and refuse to count fat, calories, or do some tedious points system. I don't have unrealistic weight goals... I just want to get out of this too-big-for-size-10, too-small-for-size-12 pattern. It's annoying. I can never find pants for work. I was on a pants boycott for awhile but, come on, it's now winter. There's no way that I am wearing skirts to work.

The skinny women at my job annoy me. Not only are they skinny but they're so fashionable---hair, makeup, accessories, purses, shoes. I'm too lazy for that. Sometimes I feel like I am in some lame 1980s movie and the "popular girl clique" consists of my co-workers. I guess I just have to put my thoughts aside because in actuality, who really cares?

Might go to the gym tonight... I slightly miss it. It's fun to play my Ipod and jog. Sometimes I really get into a song and either "mouth" the lyrics or use minimal hand gestures that go in rhythm to the music. People who see me must think I am a bit loony.

Also- where is the snow? I'm not accustomed to these 5-day work weeks. I watch the weather channel so obsessively that one would think I am obsessed with meteorology.

pondering the mall

Went to the mall today to buy a dress for a wedding that I am attending tomorrow. Tried on three dresses but nothing "was right." I hate dress shopping. Everything has beads, baubles, and attempts at unique designs. I just want a non-clingy, empire waisted dress [preferably olive green, but I'll go for other colors too]... doesn't seem like a lot to ask for but is near-impossible to find.

I ended up leaving the mall with nothing but a cinnamon-sugar Wetzel pretzel in my hand. Soft, sugary pretzels always make me feel better about failed shopping expeditions.

While sitting in my car and eating the pretzel, a few mall-thoughts came to mind:

1] Why do people get out of their car and light a cigarette when they are on their way to entering the mall? I saw a guy do this in the parking lot. It doesn't make much sense... in about 500 steps or so, you'd be at the mall entrance and would have to put out the cigarette anyway.

2] Why do women bother to take their husbands/boyfriends shopping with them if it can be clearly seen that the guy hates shopping? I saw a girl walking around the dress department and overheard her say, "No, this dress is like the other one I wore to a different wedding, only this one is more pink" [or something like that]. The guy just seemed perplexed about why she would be buying a dress similar to another dress that she owns at home. In general, he didn't seem to be into the whole shopping experience. So why bring him along?

3] Why do people drive around and around the parking lot numerous times, just to get a "good spot"? The time that it takes to find a "good spot" and wait for a car to pull out is far longer than the amount of time it would take to park at a more desolate spot and walk a little farther.

4] Why do the perfume spritzers act like fragrance assassins? When I walk into a dept. store, I immediately veer away from the spritzer people. They're quite pushy. It's annoying. I do this same veer-away process in any store where the salespeople are a little pushy. Then again, if no one tried to greet me at the door and ask me if I needed help, I'd bitch that the store sucked. I guess there's no way to win for question #4.

Tomorrow will resemble a Mission Impossible movie. Wedding is at 4pm, travel time to wedding is 45 minutes, must find dress before wedding--can it be done?

hopes, dreams, and technological schemes

Today's generation of kids have more mass communication devices at their fingertips than any other previous generation. They can send a photo by cell phone to a friend, instant message another friend, talk on the "old fashioned" phone to someone else, and talk to "the world" by posting to their blogs or Livejournals...all at the same time. All of these technological tools frighten me. I'm not a Ted Kaczynski anti-technology type but I feel that over time a] technology makes people farther apart from one another [emotionally] and b] technology makes people feel that they can (and should) have things instantaneously. Of course, the teacher side of me thinks that technology will lead to a future generation of academics attempting to use words like 'cuz, 'wuz, and luv' in scholarly papers, having no qualms about it. Then the other side of me thinks, "So that's wrong with that?" We've gone from words like thee and thou to me and you... the more things change, the more they stay the same, and blah, blah, blah.

I guess that's where this course comes into play. It's easy to have a child sit in front of a computer screen and do some type of skill/drill program. However, that's not "integrating" technology---you're simply giving the child an interactive, flashier worksheet. I feel that a lot of teachers try to use computers to differentiate their teaching methods, but instead they just end up doing the same thing--but instead of using a chalkboard, they're using a computer screen and interactive pen. Instead of handing out xeroxed copies of a poem, you can project the poem onto a "Smartboard." And so on.

I don't stand here innocently. I'm guilty of showing the kids "picture prompts" on a Smartboard screen. I'm guilty of posting a poem on the laptop screen instead of making photocopies. But i don't know what else to do.

Part of the problem lies in teacher training. If teachers aren't trained to use the technology in new ways, then they're not going to. Ultimately, some will end up using it in new ways, but others will need the extra "push" to get used to the technology.

I hope that this course will show me how to use technology in more innovative ways. The idea of blogging interests me. I think it'd be great to teach a novel unit and set up a blog discussion board. Kids could start different threads, connecting the novel to contemporary movies, etc. For some reason, kids are fascinated by computer screens, fonts, colors, etc. That's okay with me---if it makes them more excited about writing and blogging, then that's fine.

Additionally, I also think it is extremely important that kids know HOW to find information online but also how to distinguish between valid websites and illegitimate websites. Also-- students need to understand that appropriate credit needs to be given to writers and artists whose information students use for papers, etc. Most of the time, Language Arts teachers concern themselves with the plagiarism issue and drill the word/its meaning into students' minds. In the tech age, I think all teachers need to make their students extremely aware of plagiarism. Just because it is the World Wide Web doesn't mean anyone can credit the information as his/her own.

Mainly, I am looking forward to seeing how we can use technology in productive ways with our students. That's a pretty simple statement for a fairly difficult task. Can't wait to see the results. I also like the idea of the unit plan project---it forces some of us non-tech-saavies to figure out how to immediately use technology and new literacies in the classroom.

Here comes the ballad of Hurricane...

Have been having my students read/study Robert Lipsyte's Contender. I love this book... it's about an African-American boy, Alfred in 1960s Harlem. He is trying to "be somebody" vias the means of professional boxing. If Lipsyte took a different route, the book could have been very artificial, without any lasting power. There's so much more to the book than simply sports though... There's the race relations in 1960s America, gangs, black nationalist movement, single parents, drug addiction, etc. I've been watching/reading a lot of material about 1960s America, in addition to information on professional boxers since covering Contender.

Last night I watched Hurricane, the 1999 movie with Denzel Washington. It was amazing. I never had heard of Rubin "Hurricane" Carter before and during the entire movie, the gears of my mind kept turning. I never even knew that the Bob Dylan song "Hurricane" was connected to Rubin Carter.I can actually say I don't think i ever paid much attention to the lyrics.... It's amazing how you could hear a song over and over and not realize the seriousness of the song's implications.

I tracked down a copy of Carter's autobiography THE 16TH ROUND. It's near impossible to find...out of print online...available at places like half.com for 65 dollars or more... and a scant few copies available. Found a copy of it at MSU's library. I realize that films can move us and sway our opinions and make us come to conclusions/realizations...but I don't think the learning should stop at a film. I've looked around online and have seen some websites claiming inaccuracies in the film. I am even more aware of the fact that online sites/sources can sway people's views/include false statements... Now, I want to read Carter's autobiography, his actual words, and learn more. I'm also now more interested in other overturned trials/convictions ... looking to read John Grisham's [nonfiction]: The Innocent Man- Murder and Injustice in a Small Town...

getting back into the swing of things, kind of.

I am like an ansty little kid. If I don't "go out" [we're not talking clubbing or anything requiring strategic planning and dress codes], then I just stay inside and sleep. Case in point: last night, we were watching episodes of The Office. I went into the bedroom to "rest my eyes." Didn't wake up until 8 this morning. A wasted night.

Sleep has recently been interrupted by the constant sunshine/mild weather affecting the tristate area. Winter is not supposed to be like this. If I want to be lazy, I should be able to roll the covers over me, slightly adjust the shades, and go to sleep. Instead, I find myself waking up and feeling the need to put the A/C unit on. And sunlight seems to be constant.

I want cold air that makes my throat hurt when I breathe. I want mini snowflakes forming on my window panes.

65 degrees in January is so annoying.

Am trying to get back into the pattern of work again. Waking up at 5:30 is not for me. I wish I had to wear a uniform to work everyday. It would make the whole morning process much quicker. I know people that have to wear uniforms to work tend to say the exact opposite: they want to wear their own stuff, express themselves, blah blah blah. I just want to be able to sleep in a little more.

Plus, if there was a dress code, I wouldn't [possibly] have to hear the "clackers" walking down the hallway every morning. Their heels are so high; there's this click-clack sound pattern you hear when they're walking around the halls. We're on our feet all day at work- why would you wear high heels? Masochists.

Weird cat lady gets weirder

This afternoon I had a food craving for Indian food. Food cravings don't occur too often with me- sure, I get certain cravings when watching TV and seeing commercials.... but generally, I don't "act" upon those urges.

Went to the Indian restaurant near our apartment and got the lunch buffet...Chicken Tikka Masala, Naan, and various other foods that I do not know by name.

Eating at a restaurant alone is kind of weird. I felt like everyone was watching me and wondering, "Why is she here alone?" Three things crossed my mind...things they could have been thinking:
1] she is completely antisocial and weird...but happens to like Indian food
2] she is bulimic--one of those people who you see on Tyra Banks' show or something... she binges by herself...and will soon proceed to go into the bathroom
3] she is a member of OverEaters Anonymous and is "getting her fix" right now.

I obviously think too much.

Eating alone is kind of cool...it feels a bit liberating...the fact that you do not need company in order to enjoy the ambiance of a restaurant. I know some friends who always feel the need to be with other people when they go shopping, to the movies, etc. I quite like being alone...

Shortly after I was there, a guy came in and had lunch by himself too. He was in the booth near mine and instead of having his back face me, his face was facing me. I thought that was odd.

As I left the restaurant, I heard a student say hi to me. The student was there with her whole family. It was odd, unexpected. I mean, it wasnt like I was at Friday's or Bennigan's or something...this is a small Indian restaurant in the middle of a stripmall that features Dress Barn and Marshalls. I quickly replied, "Hi" back to the student.

I know my students think of me as cat lady. I never mention John because teaching is one of those professions where "the system" likes to be conservative and traditional---people living together BEFORE marriage? What an unorthodox idea!

Now instead of being "cat lady," I will be weird cat lady who had mid-day binges of Indian food...by herself. Oh well. :)

Haribo candy, i love you.

Am working on a final paper for the class that I am taking this semester. The bed looks like a library vomited all over it--- books, papers, scraps of paper, all over the place. I'm a nerd with research...I think I actually like it. And I like looking at the ends of chapters and finding new resources.

I'm not really 'stressed' about the paper. It is what it is and I have given myself plenty of time to get it done. However, I have used this paper as an excuse to eat tons of candy....because, you know, when you're 'stressed,' sometimes food helps. Last week, I "scored" some caramel/candied apples and Reeses Pieces.... Today I went to the store and bought some Haribo root beer gummies...as hard as imaginable, tooth-breaking gumminess, but so good.

The other day I was jokingly telling John that I want to look like Kate Moss. We were both joking about how she has to "work" to look like she does-- you know, supporting a crack habit is not easy nowadays...

I think it's funny how we make excuses for ourselves so that we can things that we like.-- the example being my candy frenzy.

Tomorrow after class, I WILL exercise.

John had me work out with him the other day and now my legs and shoulders hurt...that's my excuse for not exercising today. I told John that if he was my personal trainer, I would have taken 70 bucks cash, thrown it at him, and exclaimed, "I quit."

No peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts

There aren’t too many movies that I will watch over and over, no matter what my mood is. However, Bridget Jones’s Diary is one of those movies that I can watch over and over and enjoy. I have to say I find Hugh Grant charming---they had some “I Love the 90s” special on VH1 the other day and were talking about the Hugh grant/ Divine Brown debacle and were saying how Hugh Grant is the only man who can sound charming, amidst apologizing for sleeping with a prostitute. I agree. And I love the Colin Firth character too--- the nice guy, Rudolph the Reindeer sweater and all, who always seems to get screwed over.

Most of all, I like how Bridget Jones (via Renee Zellweger), is this goofy, insecure character who somehow remains charming.

This movie reminds me of a book I recently read, Jemima J, by Jane Green. I’d have to carefully compare publication dates but I think Jemima J is a complete ripoff of Bridget Jones’s Diary…and since it was a book before it was a movie, I’m sure the Helen Fielding book came out before Jane Green’s literary endeavor. Jemima J features a British woman who works in the journalism field (coincidence?). She’s overweight and has a huge crush on someone within her office… she ends up meeting someone online, in California, and ends up meeting him. The most unbelievable part of the book was that Jemima J (due to lying to her online “beau”) feels the need to lose weight; she goes from 180 to 120 within an unmentioned amount of time…by exercising like crazy and basically starving herself. Although I loved the book and found myself reading it like crazy, this whole aspect pissed me off. Jemima J, once she is 120 pounds, is glorified in the book. It’s such bullshit.

But Bridget Jones--- such a charming character---and she feels real too! She makes completely stupid mistakes but somehow seems to come out on top… Anyway, the movie makes for a great way to procrastinate on a Sunday night….

Ohio skies...

The past few days, the sky has reminded me of Ohio. Since I can remember, we (Mom, Amy, and I) would travel to Ohio for the Christmas break. This sucked during my high school years because I couldn't hang out with friends and when they asked, "Oh, where are you going over the break?," my reply was, "Um...Ohio." I like it there though...people talk slowly and there seems to be respect abound. My grandma lived in a suburb that had houses from the 50s---lots of brick houses...no McMansions....

One of my favorite parts of the Ohio holiday trip was the washed out skies. The sky in Ohio, during winter months, is always a white/grey hue; it basically looks like a "snow day" everyday.

Our Jersey skies have been Ohio-esque lately... but it's annoying. The thermometer still reads 60 degrees. I'd like a scattering of snow. I'd like to wear my goofy winter hat with ear flaps. And, like the rest of the world, I want to buy Ugg-esque boots...but I want to wait until the winter weather arrives.... When?

Carb-alicious

Am amidst writing a research paper for class. I have spent tons of time reading articles and book excerpts. The reading and highlighting of main points was actually "fun." Now I'm onto writing the paper. It's horrible. It's been an hour and I've only written 1.5 paragraphs... and I've done my research already! All I have to do is put it into written form; that's "all."

When educational pursuits or assignments frustrate me, I usually give in to two options:

1] Cleaning/domesticity:
I detest domestic tasks but amidst [there that word is again, damn it!] writing papers, I sometimes have this urge to clean. Tonight I put a load of laundry into the washer. Granted, for most people laundry isn't seen as a huge task. However, when you have to lug it downstairs and walk to the washer/dryer facility in your apartment complex, laundry deserves to be called a moderate task, at least.

2] FOOD:
Stress, sadness, happiness, holidays, boredom, ---anything seems to be a good excuse to eat. Tonight I've gone carb crazy. Things started out peacefully. I had a veggie burger and a cauliflower/broccoli mix. Then the writer's block set in. Suddenly, the loaf of wheat bread was calling me... and the apples...and now the popcorn...now I have a craving for chocolate [not exactly carbs, just junk] and have contemplated walking to the gas station...because, hey, walking takes more time than driving and I could use some time wasters right now...

as my 1.5 paragraphs await my return...

Don't impose your religion on me....

especially at 10AM on the day after Thanksgiving.

I was up for awhile this morning, just going back and forth from being awake to being asleep. During one of the half wake/half asleep intervals, I heard our doorbell ring. Our doorbell makes this frightening buzzing noise, comparable to what you'd hear at Disneyworld's Haunted Mansion. I continued staying in bed...maybe it was the neighbors' doorbell that I heard instead. Then, the knocking on the door began.

Sleepy-eyed, and with crazy semi-brushed hair, I made my way downstairs. I opened the door and saw two young guys in suits holding copies of AWAKE in their hands. Jehovah's Witnesses at my apartment door at 10:00am on the day after Thanksgiving? Are you kidding me? They greeted me by saying, "Hi, we know you weren't expecting us..." Um...that's a no brainer....

Before they went into their little monologues, I said, "You guys are Jehovah's right? My friend is one. I'll take some of the magazines." And I sent them on their merry way.

I don't mind hearing about other religions, but trying to impose them on me at 10am? Are you crazy? I hope they're prepared for what they might get at my apartment complex--- rude replies and door slams... but not from me.

Observations

I've always been a pretty observant person...this might be due to the onset of adolescent shyness...when I was younger, I wasn't an outgoing, loudmouthed gal...so, instead, I guess I just took notice of things going on around me.

Two observations from today:

1) The venting-my-rage kid at Shoprite... one of the cart gatherers (what else would that job be called?...cart gatherer is along the lines of custodial engineer....I love fancy names) was putting a bunch of carts into another line of already connected carts and BAM! he smashed them all together. I can say I've done the same thing at Costco, upon returning one of the megacarts to its proper location... it's a good release...comparable to boxing or jogging...just a quicker form of satisfaction...

2) Around 7:00, my car was behind another car at a stoplight. Though I couldn't see too well, because of the swirl of red (from the stoplight and brakelights, combined) I could make out the image of the girl in the passenger seat leaning over and kissing the guy in the driver's seat. It's nice to know there are other couples out there who wisely spend the 15 seconds at a traffic light amidst affections...

In both cases, everyone probably thought they were carrying on in their normal daily life, without being watched by anyone else...but there I was. I wonder...who was watching me?

Cue creepy music....

Concert Pet Peeves

It’s silly of me to say, “Things were better back then…” because the “then” I would be talking about would only be about a decade and a half ago. The first concert I attended was New Kids on the Block (1990), followed by Goldfinger, Sponge, and plenty of 80s-bands’ lawn seat concerts at PNC. I haven’t exactly lived a rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle. Still though….certain facets of concerts today simply suck:

1) The current use of cell phones as “lighters,” being held in the air by enthusiastic concert goers. I just think it is cheesy.

2) When people yell into their cell phone, “Hey, listen to this!” and then proceed to hold the cell phone into the air so that the person on the other end of the line can be delighted when they hear a smattering of yelling and screaming in their air.

3) With the popularity of camera phones and digital cameras, there doesn’t seem to be the concert restriction on cameras—there’s not really a way to get people to not bring those items into the venue. However, when people stand for minutes and minutes and photograph/record the concert, it just seems lame. They spend more time concentrating on their amateur photography of the concert than actually enjoying the concert.

4) Because of the “danger” of glass bottles, you either get glass bottles of alcohol and have to stay within an enclosed area OR (PNC –style), they pour the glass bottle’s contents into a plastic cup…but the plastic cup’s capacity is never as high as the bottle itself…so you technically don’t get the full bottle that you paid for.

5) (My last concert pet peeve, which is not confined to a certain era or decade…it’s been existent since concerts have been around) : When someone in front of you is bobbing up and down AND their untethered long hair is waving in front of your face…

Myspace profile pics and self-esteem...woo hoo!.

I guess if I had to "classify" it, it would be called a pet peeve: I hate when people put up high school pics on their Myspace profiles [despite being WAY past high school age]. Then, you click onto their other profile pics and see "current" pictures of them, in which they resemble the earth's Oompa Loompa's of 2006... It's not even that it's "false advertising;" if it is your profile, you can do whatever you want. I just almost see it as being ashamed of yourself... especially if the high school pic is not simply nostalgic but is also a skinnier version of your current self.

I find entertainment in looking at people's pics on Myspace...not in a creepy way...just natural curiosity. I also like reading the obituaries, wedding announcements, and arrests/thefts/etc listings in the paper. Natural curiosity... and yes, I slow down when I see an accident on the highway. Simultaneously, I am cursing at all of the other drivers on the road, "Come on, what, you've never seen a fucking accident before...Move along, move along."

Yes...Myspace lurking is fun....

Been reading a book called Generation Me... basically about the kids born from 1980-current...also called iGeneration, Generation Y [lame!], or Generation Entitlement. The book points out how high self-esteem programs have actually been a disadvantage for our kids... now everyone feels great about themselves, in every aspect...not realizing/appreciating that you can be horrible at one thing but excel in other areas...nope, you're just wonderful no matter what. The book also mentions how kids feel like everything should just be given to them [even if they don't work for it]; that's what Generation Me is used to....



The terms iGeneration and Generation Me make me think of Myspace.... I mean, your profile is like an advertisement of yourself...and of course, you have all sorts of fun pictures up and pictures of hobbies that YOU are into... what strikes me as odd is when all people have on their profile is "posed" pictures of themselves... is this egocentric, "high self esteem," or narcissism? I HATE pictures of me by myself... I like people [or cats!] in pictures with me....

The best image in the book is a color-by-# poster that has the words "YOU ARE SPECIAL" in the center. There are directions for which colors to use for which letters/spaces. Below the poster, the author has the caption of: "Remember, everyone is special. Maybe if you color the whole poster you can catch the irony."


:-P

Slutty Halloween Costumes...

1st choice costume: Renaissance outfit, with the whole corset/bodice thing going on...
Decision: will wait until next year's Ren-Faire and will seek out a "real" Ren-ish outfit, not some lame Party City imitation

2nd choice costume: Pirate
Commentary: I know that being a pirate is probably so trendy now, with the Pirates of Carribbean movies and all. I don't even like those movies; I fell asleep during the first one. All my life, I've had cheesy Halloween costumes. I was always "something" that could be easily concocted: baby, cheerleader, cowgirl, hula girl, clown, etc. I don't think I have ever really felt the full essence of Halloween. Even though the pirate idea is kind of trendy, I think it will be fun... pirate outfit, cheesy hat, sword, boots, possibly fishnet stockings....
Decision: to be decided... Are there any non-slutty costumes out there?

Seriously! All of the Halloween costumes I've seen are so trampy. i know women's costumes tend to be "sexy," but some things I've seen are just ridiculous. Slutty seems to be the new norm. One website featured a "new for 2006!" costume: Red Light Rita. Who's going to be a prostitute for Halloween? Anything that can turned into a trampy costume will be turned into a trampy costume. I looked online for pirate outfits... they've managed to create pirate-slut outfits. I found one costume that was cute and semi-sexy; it was plus size. So is the idea that if you're in good shape, you can dress as the slutty pirate, but if you're overweight, you better cover yourself up?

They even had a "naughty librarian" outfit. I guess costumes like that would be cool if you created them yourself, but the fact that you can buy any costume...that's kind of annoying too...

The adult costumes bug me but, hey, adults can make a choice whether to go the salacious route.

What really bugs me is that they make sexy versions of these costumes for teens [when I think of teens, I think anywhere from age 13-18....]. I find it so disturbing. This one website [www.buycostumes.com] annoyed me. They had a teen costumes section with costumes like [let me preface the costumes with "slutty"]: Little Bo Peep, "Hottie Totties" Little Red Riding Hood, Red Hot Witch Queen [basically a SHORT red dress and red withc hat], etc. I know that there's a huge difference between a 13 year old and an 18 year old, but still. I worry about the kind of thing we're promoting...

So on I go...the search continues... for a "semi" sexy, non-slutty pirate outfit....

Duh...

I can't stand the tv news or internet news. Newspaper news seems to leave out the dumb common sense health stories- if they have them at all, they partition a small square corner of a page to include such findings. So many news "features" result in me sighing, "Duh."

Examples from today:

Online there was an article regarding health tips on how medications can react badly with alcohol. Who doesnt know that? I mean, most people who socially drink will drink despite being told not to because of prescription mixtures, but that's their problem. They've been informed. How they use the information is up to them.

Even more duh-worthy was a tv news/internet news feature on how having kids involved in too many activities may stress them out and harm them in the long run.

CHICAGO — Here's some soothing medicine for stressed-out parents and overscheduled kids: The American Academy of Pediatrics says what children really need for healthy development is more good, old-fashioned playtime.

Many parents load their children's schedules with get-smart videos, enrichment activities and lots of classes in a drive to help them excel. The efforts often begin as early as infancy.
Spontaneous, free play — whether it's chasing butterflies, playing with "true toys" like blocks and dolls, or just romping on the floor with mom and dad — often is sacrificed in the shuffle, a new academy report says. ... [blah blah blah]

I never understood the need to have one's kids involved in tons of activities. Well, I kind of understand the schedule-them-in-everything mentality: 1] parents almost feel this "need," maybe it's due to competitiveness, to have their children involved in tons of activities... it almost validates them as parents, that they're doing a good job ; 2] some parents want to give their children the opportunities that they never had; and 3] some parents want to turn their kids into what they never got a chance to become.

When I was a kid, I did softball in the spring. During the schoolyear, I was in band and on safety patrol [Choruses sing "Dork!;" I know]. As the years went on, I got involved with clubs at school. But I would never say that my schedule was packed- only during sports seasons. Even then, I'd get home at 6 and have time for homework and for myself. I don't understand the need to rush kids from place to place; it ends up stressing parents too...since Mom and Dad are usually the drivers from place A to place B.

We're fatter than ever. We're tired than ever. We're out of touch more than ever.

Calm down, America.

Nature! Goulet!!

I never liked Will Ferrell's Robert Goulet skit but... I've recently come to appreciate it:
"Staring contest, me and you. You win, you always do." So funny. And I found out the other day that Robert Goulet really exists...thus making the skit even more funny.

I love this type of weather. The air is chilly and most conventional people are already wearing their "fall jackets."I don't own a fall jacket. It's either a wool peacoat or nothing. I like feeling the cold air hit my body; it wakes me up in the morning. Sometimes, even during the winter months, I drive with my driver's side window down. I sing out the window; sometimes I can see my breath fade into the distance, as I drive on.

I always get annoyed when I see people driving with their windows up, despite a beautiful day of weather. I just don't understand why they wouldn't want to feel a cool breeze as they drive. This annoyance sometimes turns into true pissed-off-ed-ness. I know that's kind of crazy... I don't get it though. Unless it's 95 degrees out with 100% humidity, why not drive with the windows down?

The leaves are starting to change color and this is the season where I get to run the gamut with color adjectives: vermillion, mustard, mahogany, burgundy, crimson, ...

80s diversions

I have a book review essay to write... it's due Wednesday. I "should" [if I was standing in front of you, I'd be using the finger quotation marks too!] take my time and completely work on the review during this weekend, thus making next week less stressful.

Friday, we're going to see Frankie Goes to Englewood play at a local bar. Worst name ever for a band? Close to it. I plan on wearing as many earrings as I can -- kind of an 80s look, I guess. Remember Jane Child with the nose-to-ear jewelry?


I've already re-pierced my 2nd earhole; it wasn't too difficult. I must have pliable flesh. Lovely.

I also plan on sporting my jeans which feature the authentic hole-in-the-knee. I was slightly intoxicated at a concert and fell on concrete, on my knees. I least my jeans look cooler now...

Saturday is lovey-dovey day. John and I have vowed to no longer have Qdoba, Moe's, or Baja Fresh for mid-afternoon lunches. The huge meals incapacitate us for the rest of the day: we lie around like beached whales or manatees.

Sunday we might go to Great Adventure. FrightFest is cheesy but I get scared so easily. John enjoys hearing me shriek when some ridiculously dressed "monster" jumps out from behind a random haystack.

I like how things have been lately, in terms of "getting out" and being social. Damn- it only took 26 years for me to act like a normal human and go out and have fun. These times are much better than years ago...I'd come home from work on a Friday afternoon, have chicken soup and tons of bread [carbs= happiness? I don't know- but it seemed to be my theory at the time], and go to sleep at 9:00...

Onward and upward, with the low-carb life diet.

academic readings....

Have the day off from work because of Yom Kippur...am using the holiest day of the Jewish year [information courtesy of wikipedia... what would I do without that site?] I am at the public library, reading for my grad class. Just read for 2 straight hours... it feels like much longer. I feel like I have been here for a myriad of hours....Myriad is a word that I see often in academic readings...It's like the writer even bored himself with his 500 line paragraph, so he decided to pop "myriad" into a random sentence.

I don't "get" academic readings; it's like there's a contest to create the most indecipherable language. Just because something is said in a simpler way does not make it "stupid."

I'm stopping with the reading for today... at this pace, I should finish reading my assigned books by....never.

The boredom of the academic readings has motivated me to go home, do some laundry, and listen to the swish of the washer machine.

Selling my eggs on ebay

For all of my life, I have been set on not having children. I've joked to friends and family about how I want to sell my eggs on ebay and make some cash. In retrospect, I can see how this is not the most funny thing to say. I still think it is amusing.

The fact of the matter is that even though I haven't had fertility tests or anything, I bet I am the most fertile person and would have no trouble getting pregnant. Unfortunately, I think that's how it tends to be. The people that desire children to no end have difficulty getting pregnant and/or carrying the baby to full term. The people like me who say, "Children? Nope, not ever me" are the ones who probably can easily get pregnant.

I've recently had a change of heart. I don't know exactly one factor that brought the change about. I used to joke that working at a middle school was like instant cause for birth control or sterilization. I mean, there are some "good kids," but there are some brats too..makes you think: what if my kid ended up like one of the brats?

But I am rethinking my whole I-don't-want-kids view. What scares me though is I have never even held a baby in my life. My family is so small; there were not constant occasions where there were babies being born and little kids running around. But I know if I got pregnant, I'd be the type to be reading any book out there on pregnancy or child-rearing. What to Expect When You're Expecting would constantly be in my hand.

Thinking about babies also brings up the fun topic of naming. John and I have talked about baby names. For girls, there aren't too many names that I like. Summer, Autumn, Desiree, and Veronica are favorites. I can't imagine a baby being called Veronica though--an older woman/seductress as Veronica, yes. But not a little baby.

For boy names, I like what John calls "gay names." I guess they are a little feminine for boys; the names I like aren't names you'd necessarily associate with future strong, brawny men: Evan, Ethan, Aidan, Jeremy, Joshua, Tobias, Justin, etc.

Out of curiosity, I looked at a website: www.babynamesworld.com. Some of the names they have on the site are awesome [a.k.a. "weird"]: Raechel [cool spelling of Rachel], Radley, Reese [I know...the name of a celeb, not a good idea].

Something that struck me as odd and completely dumb was this tidbit that the website had under the category of "Baby Naming Advice." First off, why would someone need advice on picking a name?!

Here it is: In an experiment done by Harari and McDavid, it was found that teachers grade a paper higher if written by a child with an ordinary name as opposed to an unusual or unpopular name as opposed to when they were led to believe that the child had an unusual or unpopular name (see: Harari, H. & McDavid, J.W. (1973).

So stupid! Enough about that.

What's funny is that years ago the most popular names were names like Michael, Heather, Jennifer, etc. Nowadays, its hip to name your baby something "unique." And it gets to a point that once everyone has the same unique names, that they just become usual names. I took a look at the top 50 baby names [boys' and girls' names for 2005]. A lot of my effeminate boys' names are included in the top 50...

Of the top names, here are my picks: Tyler, Olivia, Dylan, Ava [sooooo popular now], Gabriel, Benjamin, Zachary, and Alyssa.

Out of a separate conversation that John and I had, we decided we like Victor the best... but with a "k." We have to be a little unique. In John's words, "Victor means the winner, the victor. How could that not be a good name?" My thoughts too.

Mall Madness

Remember Mall Madness? I don't recall it too well. I never owned the board game. I was a word nerd... had board games like Scrabble, Boggle, Scattegories, and ASAP when I was growing up. I also had the game of Life. I liked Life's spinner...it was very durable. And I liked that the act of creating a family and having babies was as simple as landing on a particular space on the game board.

Anyway, Mall Madness... kind of like a Supermarket Sweep board game, but in relation to the mall instead of the food store. I went to Target.com and am relieved to say that Hasbro is still making Mall Madness. In case I ever feel like experiencing it, I can...

After class last night, I "felt like" going to the mall. I like to say that I am anti-consumerism and not materialistic. I'm nowhere near buying countless Coach bags or obsessing over the latest fashion/accessory trends. However, I do engage in retail therapy from time to time. Buying stuff does feel good, temporarily.

As soon as I got to the mall last night, I felt saddened. It is a depressing place. All of these products for sale in all of these varied stores... but essentially, all of the stores are the same and all of the products are the same low quality/ripoff price.

I know that none of my above comments are original or especially thought-provoking.

I ended buying a few things...2 shirts on sale and moisturizer. I did actually need the moisturizer and the clothing was work clothing.

I definitely didn't feel good when I left the mall though. I thought to myself, "I don't want to see a mall for awhile." Granted, I will probably be back to the mall within the next 2 weeks.

I've read several books on consumer culture, including mall culture: Call of the Mall, Affluenza, Culture Jam,...next on my to-read list is Why We Buy:The Science of Shopping. These books generally change my viewpoints and actions for a temporary amount of time. Again, I never reach the total consumer/materialistic mindset, but I usually do not hesitate too much if I really want to purchase something.

I've said for a long time that I have to make time for more meaningful things in life.... hiking has been a long time aspiration... I never "feel" like going to a nature area and hiking though...despite the fact that I drive to the gym in order to jog indoors on a treadmill... makes no sense.

I'm making time for the Ren-Faire on Saturday.... granted, the whole day will revolve around going to stores and buying gimmicky turkey legs and yards of ale but...it's outside... one step closer to hiking...

Nostalgia

I feel like I've posted an entry called "Nostalgia" before...

Nostalgia is something I've been thinking about for the past few months. I guess part of it is that all of this 1980s stuff is coming back into style, so I am constantly surrounded by styles and fads that I grew up with. I was only 10 years old at the end of the 80s decade, so I never got the chance to dress goofily with outfits like polka dotted leggings and off-the-shoulder shirts. I definitely had the crazy flourescent Wigwam socks though...classic!

It's nice to see stuff from my childhood...again. Like snap on bracelets....I saw those advertised in a catalog recently. I recall when the snap on bracelets were a trend/safety hazard. Some idiotic kid managed to harm himself with the dumb bracelets, thus leading to a snap-on bracelet ban at schools across the country.

It's just weird to be at this point in my life...seeing fashions and trends in stores and thinking, "Wow, I remember that." I know that every generation probably says this but I think that the stuff from my childhood [music, clothes, TV shows, all facets of pop culture] rocked. This was the decade of: hair bands and sensitive ballads, Mr. Belvedere, Alf, Small Wonder [for years, rumors circulated that Billy Corgan from the Smasking Pumpkins played the lead character on Small Wonder....um....??], Uncle Jesse's mullet on Full House, the Tiffany and Debbie Gibson battle, Who's the Boss?, the Coreys, flourescent colored clothing, cassette tapes:), Mario Brothers, Skinnydippers [awesome cookie/chocolate combo!...Dunkaroos is a lame Skinnydippers imitation], Darryl Strawberry [before the drug problems, Jose Canseuco [before the steroids], that cool starry-night montage/HBO themesong, Dirty Dancing [I watched that movie every day after school for at least 2 years...it took until I was 15 or so before I fully understood the movie---"Penny got knocked up by Robby the kid," abortions, and such], and on and on....

I feel bad for the kids of 2000-2010...what a lame decade...

"Ah ah ah ah ah, I know this much is true"

My neighbors are spazzes. They BLASTED Spandau Ballet's "True" at least 3x this morning. Then, they proceeded to begin hammering things in their apartment. I never knew that Spandau Ballet could inspire home repair/maintenance activities.

I don't know what is more odd: the fact that my neighbors are psyched about Spandau Ballet's "True" [I think I heard loud, enthusiastic singing too] or the fact that I know the actual name of an 80s one-hit wonder band.

Maybe their triple threat of "True" was provoked by John and I singing the Mr. Belvedere themesong last night. I went to Youtube, THE visual popculture bible, and found a video of the themesong. We also decided to be a little more contemporary, so we listened to Panic at the Disco's "I Write the Sins, Not the Tragedies" several times.

Yep, we're hipsters... haha.

I always tell John that the photos of him as a kid bear a striking resemblance to the kid that played Wesley on Mr. Belvedere. Wesley is such an odd name-- never in my life have I known someone with that name.

Off to attempt a productive Sunday... is that an oxymoron?

Someone listened to me...and remembered!

Ok, first off...I swear to myself to myself that this will not turn into a blog about teaching reflections. I try to treat my job like most other "normal" jobs; I go to work, I work, and then I come home and work issues stay at work. When I bring stuff home to grade, the situation is obviously different but I have learned over the years that I need to make time for myself. I have my job and then I have my outside-job life. The two will inevitably mingle sometimes, but I try to avoid that.

But...this post is teaching-related.

Today, before the last period, a student ran into my room and said, "Remember last year when you said that you read somewhere that basketball was the sport where there were the most injuries?" I quizzically replied, "Um, I suppose?" The student went on to tell me that he thought about it and figured out why basketball was the most injurious sport...He actually remembered something I said... I don't even remember reading an article/blurb on sports injuries... I just found it bizarre, and it did make my day! Students always seem to vividly remember the non-class related things that we say. I remember my 8th grade teacher was obsessed with the word undulate. That's about all I remember of her....oh, and she said it was okay for us to call her "Mugs," the shortened version of her last name... I don't think I ever called her Mugs; I thought it was weird. Plus, I was one of those super serious students... calling a teacher "Mugs"? Not in my world. My 9th grade teacher was a spaz who had a mythology mobile in the corner of her classroom and would pretend to converse with Greek gods and goddesses. A history teacher during my junior year slammed the door and left the room after shouting at us for not participating enough.

Today was a good day...

but damn, why did this beautiful weather have to arrive just as school got back into session?

first day of school

Days upon days of rain. It rained so hard on Saturday that I cancelled my lazy-enough plans of going to the movies and simply went to sleep.

Today was my first official day back at wor..."back to school"... and the sun was shining brightly. The sky was a perfect blue and clouds were scattered across the sky. I was stuck in a classroom with a bunch of 13 year olds. Either they've already gotten the puberty-is-hitting-and-you-need-deodorant discussion OR the humidity was low... no rancid body odor smell in the room, even at the end of the day. This was one of the day's highlights!

I wonder how many official first days of school I have had... kindergarten through 12th grade [13], college [4, 8 if you are counting in terms of semesters vs years]... I recall a first day in middle school. I got this pajama ensemble at Macey's. It "looked like" a normal outfit though, or so I thought at the time. I remember blue stripes... horizontal? I must've looked a mess.

The first day went pretty well... I am so comfortable with speaking in front of classes now but I remember when I started teaching, how reserved I was. I can only imagine what I looked like from a student's perspective... my voice was probably soft...I remember I used to convert my sentences into questions, ending with "Okay?," as if I was seeking the class's approval of what I was saying. I probably had my hands curled under, or held behind my back, or in some other weak position. My hair was probably covering my face... some idiotic theory that a curtain of hair covering the face will protect me from the wrath of badly behaved students.

Screw that now. I'm nowhere near being a "master teacher," but I definitely feel comfortable.
I even feel comfortable with acting like a crazy person in front of the students. If I am reading aloud, I can yell, show fear, maniacally laugh, weep, and so on. Because when it comes down to it, it's just a room full of 13 year olds. I can survive:)

Speaking of surviving, it would be hilarious if they had a Survivor-esque show where they pull people out of their regular jobs and have them teach for a day...

Scatterbrained

I don't know if this scatterbrained state is coming from nervousness/annoyance over going back to school or from the crazy state of our apartment...either way, within the past week I have lost:

1] the cordless phone--- I tried paging the phone and could hear it beeping in the living room... but I couldn't find the phone. The battery finally died and the finding-by-beep method was no longer available. The phone has been lost for a week- how something could be lost for one week within a 2 bedroom apartment, I don't know.

2] my FAVORITE earring... They were hook earrings. I should have put the stupid plastic fastener on the back, but ...just didn't. I lost one of the earrings on Monday. Later in the day, I even drove back to the last shopping plaza I had been to and searched the parking lot like a crazy person. The earring was still not found.

3] My car keys-- this happened today. I went out to my car to get something and then later on, when I went to the gym, the keys were nowhere to be found...thank goodness for the spares.

GOOD NEWS...and my new mantra...
"When something is lost, seek it within the depth of the couch."

Not under the couch...not even under the couch cushions...but deep within the far right hand side of the couch...I dug and dug...found the phone and my car keys! Within this deep side pocket of the couch, I also found a lime green Crayola marker and a ruler...SCORE! As if I need any stationary supplies. If the world was ending and we all were seeking shelter somewhere else and people were designated to bring certain things with them, I would be Stationary Girl.

Anyway, the point of my endless blabbering is this: I've heard that if you have a cluttered apartment or room, that it creates clutter in your life. This is definitely true with me. My cluttered apartment has created cluttered intervals of time... walking around the apartment in circles, looking in the craziest spots for missing things. Example: I looked in the fridge for my car keys-- who knows? Maybe the keys were in my hand and I went into the fridge to get a piece of fruit and left the keys in the fridge.

Ok, I detest inspirational/motivational quotes mumbe-jumbo. However, since I am amidst the realization of my clutter-problem, I figured looking at some cheesy quotations might help me de-clutter...

"Clutter drains your energy - and you don't realize it till it's gone. Every item in your home has an energy to it. When items go a long time unused, unloved and uncared for, they become stuck, stagnant energy that actually physically drains you of your energy." ---- Ariane Benefit

My 2 vices in life...

With the exception of being a 26-year-old nail biter [it's a horrible habit, I know...but at least I am not a coke addict or anorexic or something more serious...my mom and grandma always used to say, "You'll never have a boyfriend with nails like those..." And did I ever hear a boyfriend complain about my nail length?? Um... nope...], there are two vices that I have in my life. Actually, I don't even know if they would be considered vices, but they are two things that I absolutely love.

1) Tabloids!
Ok, I never purchase tabloids because I am ultimately against what they stand for. For instance, poor Lark Voorhies [Lisa Turtle from Saved by the Bell] was accused of being a cocaine addict. I don't think she really is...the girl is a Jehovah's Witness!!! Tabloids perpetuate false stories...and more false stories are created because people buy the tabloids and "want more!" Ok, so I am "ethically" against tabloids... However, I am a huge fan of fiction and creative writing---and tabloids fit into that category! From an entertainment standpoint, i love tabloids... Also, I've always managed to know someone in my life who actually spends their money on that garbage. After they finish reading the magazines, they pass them on to me. I read them, get entertained, but can sleep safely at night knowing that I have not [monetarily] contributed to the tabloids. I know reading them is almost comparable to buying them though...oh well.

Carol is my current neighbor--- she is unemployed [she got fired from the foodstore for taking "unauthorized" deli cuts during her shift]. I have to hear her and her husband fighting all the time.... midnight...7am...any time is yelling time. The only redeeming fact about our neighbor relationship is that she is my source for free Star and National Enquirer magazines. Who knows; maybe she even knows that I can hear her and her husband yelling. The tabloids are like my "keep quiet/don't call the police on us even though there could be domestic abuse charges filed" bribe.

I am totally all over the Jon Benet Ramsey case. Even though John Mark Karr has been "cleared," he still could have had involvement. Just because his DNA isn't at the murder site does not mean he wasn't involved. No matter what the truth is, this is clearly one f-ed up individual. And of course as a crazy individual, Karr fascinates me. What a weirdo... supposedly, his family has sold rights to make a movie and book in the near future... I'd see the movie... I love MOWs.... movies of the week....

I'm also interested in the Britney Spears pregnancy. The photos from Harper's Bazaar's most recent issue....wow! I give her credit. And I actually think the photos are quite well-done...although her hair looks tacky when it is dyed black....

2] My second vice: hurricane/tornado/bad weather coverage
I'm addicted to it--- weather coverage! It doesn't even have to be detrimental weather, general weather coverage interests me. Channel 61: Know before you go! Fox Five's weather on the fives. Mike Woods. Storm Fields. Dave Price. Al Roker [he does weather, I think]. I just love watching weather forecasts. Despite all of the time that I put into watching weather coverage, I still don't understand the difference between fronts, barometric pressure, etc.

Ok, it isn't like I am a bad person but... I am interested in the coverage of Ernesto...and if it hits land, I will be watching the TV. I know that's horrible... because if it makes landfall, people will be injured or even killed. But the perils of nature are fascinating.

I love hail too...there hasn't been a hail storm in so long. I remember when I was a little kid. I ran outside during a hail storm and collected hail in a plastic tumbler. I proceeded to put the tumbler into the freezer; it remained there for months. Stupidest idea ever. What I was trying to do or accomplish, I have no idea.

Crossing my fingers for a hailstorm....during the schoolday so I can get the little brats to be quiet and we can all enjoy the splendor of pounding hail :)

Anyone can be an artist??

It's no secret that this summer has been the summer of movie watching for me. Most of the movies have either been documentaries or realistic films, the kind that have open-endings, with the screen slowly turning black, and with obscure music in the background.

Recently, I saw two HBO documentaries from awhile back: Naked States and Naked World. Both documentaries center on Spencer Tunick, a photographer who is known for taking pictures of massive groups of nude people. The people pose in front of national buildings or sometimes they are just lying in a large field. Tunick says that he views the groups of nudes as "part of the landscape." I don't know---the art seems kind of gimmicky. I mean, there's the artist George Rodrigue who is well-known for his blue dog paintings. He basically paints the same blue dog over and over. It's iconic; people see that blue dog and know that it is Rodrigue's work that they are looking at. But is it art?

I guess I would see Rodrigue's work as more art-worthy than Tunick's. Somehow Tunick's photos appeal to me...you squint your eyes and you don't see naked bodies; you just see flesh tones embedded into the photo. You unsquint your eyes and suddenly 1,000 nude bodies are before you. Most of the people who pose are white, or so it seems when you look at the photo...or is it that all of the bodies just merge into the flesh tone that we describe as "white"?

What makes me laugh is that in Naked States, there is a point where Tunick seeks out Phish fans as possible people to photograph. At a Phish concert, he extends an invitation to photograph a group of nude people...hoping to have at least 1,000 people show up. 2,000 people showed up... this was a Phish concert...it made sense.

I think the photos are cool to look at but... 2 things come to mind when I look at them:
1] the people strangely resemble piles of carcasses
2] Tunick's art kind of reminds me of the Magic Eye fad of the late 1990s...

Damn-- I need to come up with some gimmicky art and make tons of money. Then I can sit around all day, read, and drink milkshakes:)

Dull day, but autumn beckons!

I could feel it in myself this afternoon--- that feeling that I don't want to go out at all. Despite having gym clothing in my bag, I drove directly home [well, actually I made a detour for Mexican food...eating can be a recreational activity too!]. As soon as I got home, I watched Gus Van Sant's Last Days. That is seriously the full title of the film. Gus Van Sant always has this need to have his name in front of the title--as if we, the viewers, won't see his name during the opening credits listed as director.

Last Days is "fictional" but it based on the last few days of Kurt Cobain's life. It was okay. I thought Van Sant would have delved into Cobain's real life and used that as a basis for a lot of the movie, but it didn't seem that way. Needless to say, this wasn't a particularly chipper flick.

I proceeded to fall asleep; I wasn't physically tired, but I think my body just knew I needed sleep. This happens sometimes, when I don't feel my happiest. I woke up a few hours later, watched some TV, and here I am. I detest days like this; they feel like such a waste. At least I know that tomorrow will be better. I went outside to take the trash out and the weather was mild--- I can feel that autumn is on its way. With autumn comes fall festivals, apple picking, and the need to put an extra sheet or blanket on the bed. I love it.

Grammar Rage

I don’t care if you’re working for some indie publishing house or something well-known like Random House or Knopf. When I read a book from your company, there should not be grammar mistakes that an 8^th grader (well, some) could correct.

I finished my cheesy chick-lit title, 20 Times a Lady. It was entertaining, despite an incredibly cheesy ending. I think the book’s ending actually made me smile for a limited amount of time, so I can’t complain too much.

What bothered me most about this book was the onslaught of grammatical errors. I got so annoyed that after I encountered the second mistake, I began bending the corners of subsequent pages with errors. This bending of the pages would allow me to go back, at a later point, and refer to these errors.

So, here I go. I know it is very nerdy to actually mark down grammatical errors found in a book, but these errors were soooo obvious. 3 of the 4 errors are essentially the same mistake, but I still think they count as separate mistakes. They should count as separate mistakes; this was a nationally published book.

“Hey, do you think this thing has anti-lock breaks?” p. 65 [AGH…]

“You’re dog likes me, so you should, too.” p. 84 [less than 20 pages later? The confusion that people have over your and you’re aggravates me; this aggravation is increased exponentially when a copy editor makes the mistake]

“ ‘You heard me!’ I scream. ‘You’re dog liked me better! He did!” p.106
[the silliness of this book is amplified by the specific passages that I am quoting. Again, another your/you’re mistake. Y-O-U-R--- it shows possession! Argh…]

“ ‘You’re actions affect other people.’ ” p. 223 [how do they have the correct use of affect but the wrong use of your?]

At this point, I truly need to pack my bags, make my way over to England, and have a cup of tea with Lynn Truss. She'd understand.

Appearance Updates

The sun is glorious today! I am sitting outside in a “beach chair;” the beach chair is on the concrete sidewalk of my apartment complex. Additionally, I am on my laptop. It must be a sight to see… I don’t know--- do people sit outside and “enjoy” nature while getting technology involved? Seems like contrasting things that are mingling…

I’m outside, trying to even my tan/sunburn. I went to the beach at Seaside Heights on Saturday. I applied a large amount of sunblock to my face; the whole sunburn/peeling effect is very unattractive, especially when it occurs on your face. I wanted to get some color on my arms and legs, so I left them sans-sunblock. Well- the result was that my legs got burrrrrnnned[I hardly ever wear shorts so the last time my legs saw daylight was probably in 6th grade, with the exception of my crazy-cargo-shorts-era in freshman year of college]. My arms generally have a bit of color to them; the pink collided with the previous semi-tan color, making my arms and orangeish hue. So now I am outside, trying to balance everything out. This will end badly, I’m sure.

I got a haircut yesterday—a hairstyle actually. The hairdresser who always does my hair, Donna, understands my beauty language: “Um…cut off whatever is dead… I want layers but minimal layers…nothing too noticeable.” Yesterday she asked, “Cut it like usual?” and I replied, “Yes.” It is wonderful…she understands my crazy concept of beauty and low-maintenance haircuts. Well, I came home with a new style, I’d say. I haven’t had my hair cut since April so tons of “dead stuff” needed to be cut- it’s now a little longer than chin length, with lots of layers; the layers are definitely noticeable. I’m loving it. I feel like I look different. I do have an upcoming concern though--- the first washing. Oh, I hate it. You try doing the hair on your own and it looks cruddy. I think that the beauty industry gives special appliances and products to hair salons. No matter what you previously looked like, once the hairdresser uses those special products on you, you look amazing. You leave the salon and feel like a new person, maybe even compare yourself to a movie star. Then you come home and style it yourself…you suddenly resemble Don King or Christina Aguilera [the "bad" Christina Aguilera, like when she was in the "Lady Marmalade" video].

I've already searched google for "celebrities" and "bad hair days;" there are tons of websites devoted to this subject matter. If I style my hair tomorrow and it looks atrocious, the first thing I will do is check out one of those sites:)

Michissa?? New name in the making??

Today my neighbor greeted me with, “Hey, Melissa!” This is one of the name-perils that I have experienced throughout my life: the mix-up between Michelle and Melissa. I don’t quite understand it—both names begin with “M” and involve the letter “l.” Michelle has a soft “shhh” sound while Melissa has a harsher “ssss” sound.

I recall working at Borders. Every English major has either worked at a Borders or a library. Try playing “6 Degrees of Borders.” You’ll be able to find connections to Borders employee through 6 or less people that you know. 1 degree: I know John; he worked at Borders. Even if John didn’t work at Borders, I still could make the connection: I know John; John knows Justin; Justin worked at Borders.

Back to the Borders anecdote…My boss, Rudy, called for me to do some stupid task…probably shelf-reading or something. He got irked when I didn’t respond but… he had called out to me, “Melissa!” It was a great moment. When he asked, “Why didn’t you answer?,” I got to give an acceptable smartass response: “Because my name isn’t Melissa.”

It’s gotten to the point where the name mistake doesn’t bother me that much; I will respond if someone calls me Melissa. It’s just incredibly annoying.

Anti-climactic evening

Last night, John and I went to the NJ State Fair in Sussex county. I was so excited; the last time I had been to a fair was a few years ago… I anticipated the smells of various foods in the air, the bright lights of all the rides, the fun (and generally rigged) games, and most of all, the wide array of people walking around.

It took us a little over an hour to arrive at the fair… traffic on route 15 was terrible. An entertaining thing I saw was in front of the Chatterbox. They were having a car show and this woman had on one of those t-shirts that has a silkscreened svelte body wearing a bikini. I haven't seen one of those shirts in so long! But the traffic!!! ...literally, the entire state of NJ was headed for this fair. My enthusiasm could not be disturbed- I bided time in the car by looking at the various houses and thinking, “Wow, how long would it take to mow that lawn? At least it would be good exercise.” There was even a message spray painted on this abandoned building: “To Tony and [someone else I forget the name]: Please send me to heaven.” So bizarre.

When we got to the fair, the admissions set-up was so illogical. We walked past a stand that clearly said FRESH SQUEEZED LEMONADE and a woman yelled over to us, “Hey! You have to buy tickets.” We proceeded to pay the $10 admission, which I feel is a bit “steep.” Then she told us to give our admission tickets to the “man in red,” who was about 3 inches from where the lemonade/admissions stand was. Complete ludicrousness. Couldn't the woman at the lemonade stand do the ticket-taking at the same time?

The fair was ok. I enjoyed all of the animals. Magnus was this giant grey rabbit who looked like he could kick Flash’s ass. The alpacas were pretty cool to look at: they make me think of a mixture of a poodle and a camel. It was odd because nearly every animal we looked at had earned a ribbon of some kind. I guess they figure you deserve some kind of award if you raise animals or livestock in Jersey.

John made a good point as we walked around: “Fairs are for family and kids.” It isn’t like I am at the point in my life where I think I am old or that I am “too old” to do certain things, but there was a certain validity in what he was saying. I saw tons of families there, little kids getting too excited about the cheesy fair rides. I saw a lot of teenagers together, buying band t-shirts, jewelry, and other stuff. On the line to the bathroom [women’s line being astoundingly long; men’s line non-existent] was a teenaged couple. The boy and girl were doing that gratuitous making out, the kind that you do because you can---and because it tends to piss off adults. I mean, this boy was literally vacuuming the girl’s face with his lips. When she was finally next on line for the women’s bathroom, he veered over to the lineless men’s bathroom.

When John and I first dated, we went to the fair near my hometown. It was fun… we went on the swings ride together and held hands. I remember him passing his gum over to me on that ride too… hey, if you can exchange kisses, then why not gum? I looked at the pictures from that fair the other day. My lips were bright blue for some reason…probably some blue raspberry Icee or something.

Last night was just kind of disappointing. We ended up wallowing in our disappointment by eating “fair food”: zeppoles, roasted almonds, and a venison burger---unconventional fair food, I suppose. Then when I got home, my stomach hurt…

Last night, John asked, “How come everything that we go to lately sucks?” I wouldn’t say that everything I have done lately sucks, but when I’ve tried to do things that I have previously loved [fairs, for example], the evening just ends up disappointing me. I guess as you get older, certain things are not as fun as they used to be… that’s kind of sad though. We want to go to the Renaissance Fair in NY soon… haven’t ever been to that… I plan to have utter fun… maybe come home with a cheesy princess hat too, after wearing it all day at the Ren-Fair...We'll see.