Hell Must've Frozen Over and Maybe Now Pigs Can Fly Too

First, I got highlights to my hair in the summer. This seemed MONUMENTAL to most people who know me because I am very low-maintenance. The highlights weren't a big deal though; Amy is a hairdresser and finally got me to cave in and change my hair. Before the highlights, the last time I dyed my hair was when I used Sun-In in 8th grade and turned a dark brown head of hair into orange.

Yesterday, I entered the dark side. I got fake nails.

I'm turning into a girly-girl... well, as girly-girl as I am capable of.

The thing is, I've always bitten my nails. I don't ever do it in front of other people (b/c I know it's a gross habit), but I'll bite my nails if I am nervous or bored. My mom used to say I'd never get a boyfriend because of my nails---- no one's ever complained. My grandma used to say,"You'll never get a job with nails like those." Um, job? Check.

The other day at the library, a patron said something to me. He said that I'm a "beeewww-tiful" girl and "Why you bite your nails?" I don't know... it got to me.

So yesterday I went to the salon and got them put on. The lady who did my nails said I was "special," and not in a complimentary way. I had to get gel nails..whatever those are...because my nails (more classifiable as "nubs" ) are so weak and acrylics wouldn't stay on.

At this point,
1] I HATE having fake nails...I have this fear that they will fall off and I won't have a tube of crazy glue handy. And why should you have to walk around fearing that you won't have the necessary pseudo-permanent adherence when you need it?
2] Having these nails is a pain in the ass. It takes 2x as long to button shirts, open things, put on jewelry, etc.
3] I'd rather stop biting my nails altogether than pay ripoff amounts at the salon...and instead spend my money on books and CDs.

I once had fake nails in high school. A friend put them on for me. On the walk home from her house, I began ripping them off.

If I didn't pay for these nails, they'd be in the garbage now too.

These nails are temporary... but I swear...I'll never bite my nails again...

Deli, deli, deli!

So annoying. I keep losing stuff. I somehow lost my Montclair parking hangtag, despite the fact that the hangtag is ALWAYS in my car. I somehow lost my student ID too. I don't know...sometimes I am ditzy when it comes to putting things in their right spot. The hangtag will probably surface under the sofa and the ID card will probably be in under the pseudo-dining room table.

Just got back from the foodstore. The deli area cracks me up. If I'm ever feeling down, I think I will simply drive over to a local supermarket and go in the deli section, waiting on line. It's amusing.

I LOVE the people who request samples. "Hmm, I'd like the swiss. Can I try some?" It's generally always old people or fat people that make this request. I guess what I think is amusing is that someone would need to taste the deli meats. Frankly, unless you're getting Snowball turkey (ick...how can you eat something that has an sexually disgusting meaning in the Urban dictionary?), there's not that much difference with deli meats.

Tonight, there was this "little guy" on the deli line. He kept getting 1/4 lb of this, 1/2 lb of that, 1/4 lb of this. He put the salami in the shopping cart and his lady [a GIANT compared to him] exclaimed, "You can't put that there. The bananas will smell like meat." I had a smile across my face. People are so odd.

Then there's the crazy people who request the deli people to slice the meats thinner and THINNER---these requests usually occur after the person has had 5 or 6 samples of the meat.

It's just the little, idiosyncratic things that people do that make me laugh---the type of things that arise out of the most seemingly boring places.

Me: the posh, Euro-trash version

We got the latest issue of Radar magazine...The magazine is devoted to pop culture junk. I'd say it's comparable to People or US Weekly, but I feel that it is slightly more "educational" and "intelligent" than those magazines.

Anyway, Posh Spice...oh, sorry...Victoria Beckham...was on the cover with her hubby. 1] I generally am not attracted to the blonde-haired, blue-eyed "hunky" type but David Beckham is HOT. 2] Victoria Beckham looks alien-esque. Her breasts are ridiculously large, in contrast with the rest of her body. Her hair is curved toward her face as if it is controlled by some kind of mechanical device. Also, her head is large. And she always has a stupid look on her face.

So...anyway...

We have a wedding to go to at the end of the month. Instead of "always a bridesmaid, never a bride," I feel like my mantra should be, "Always a wedding guest, NEVER a bridesmaid." I've been to so many weddings in the past 3 years. I'm happy for friends/family and all but weddings are a bit annoying. Getting dressed up is fun but usually involves spending $$$; I'd rather buy a bunch of books and CDs. Secondly, the whole monetary wedding gift is so expensive. It's a large chunk out of your wallet if you have a few weddings within a year.

I pray that NO ONE ever asks me to be a bridesmaid. I won't be offended. I'll be thankful b/c it seems like a pain in the ass.

Ok, wedding, wedding.

We were down in AC for John's sister's birthday. The whole family went down there... it wasn't well-planned and we didn't do all that much except for eating fattening food. I did partake in two bubble baths with scorching hot water, so that was nice.

So we went to the outlets in AC and, on a whim, went into the BCBG store. Everyone that worked there was dressed in black and had super stylish hair. It reminded me of that SNL skit where Will Ferrell and co. work in a high fashion store- it's the cell phone skit.

Got some help trying on dresses but nothing seemed good. The one guy kept bringing me size 6s and 8s and when I would say, I'm nowhere near a size 6 ot 8," he'd act surprised and be like, "No way!" PLEASE...I'm not putting myself down...I'm a size 12 and I'm ok with that. Any idiot could look at me and know I am not a size 6.

Ok... "let me make this long story short." So I tried on several dresses. One was awesome but super casual. Then...the glitzy dress. It has empire waist, flows OUT instead of being clingy, and is an "adventurous" pale chocolate color. You have to understand, when I dress up I ALWAYS take refuge in the color black. Also, this dress has beading work by the empire waist.

Contemplated buying it, had them put it on hold for me, then walked around a bit more. 20 minutes later, I bought the dress. When I told John and his cousin where I got the dress, his cousin said, "That store is Euro-trash." Well, then,....I guess I'm Euro-Trash :)

3 day work weeks..how it should be

This 3-day workweek is fabulous...it's times like these that I am thankful I don't live in the MidWest or those other "square-shaped" states. Jersey is diverse... and because of that diversity...schools close for more holidays...Or at least my school closes... Because of Rosh Hashanah, we got this Thursday and Friday off.

3 day workweeks are fabulous. Why can't work be like this all the time?

I just feel so full of energy this morning...and I am restored back to life b/c our phone is working again too. There's been this technology stormcloud hovering over my head... anything technological has just been breaking on me lately. The other day our phone just died. The funniest thing was calling the phone company and hearing the customer service rep read from a sheet of paper in a monotone voice: "Yes, ma'am, I understand your disappointment at not having a phone line. Please listen and I can assist you with testing the line and seeing if the connection is bad." She also proceeded to tell me to "make sure" everything was plugged in because maybe that was the problem. Argh.

But now this morning the phone is working again.... it wasnt really like I missed it... but I do like the feel of a "house phone" against my ear better than the feel of a cell phone.

Am SO content with this weather...no more gross 100% humidity days and air that you could "cut with a knife." What a stupid cliche.

It's September and even though it is back-to-school time, fun stuff is on the way....apple picking [last year John and I bought 50 pounds of apples...and ate them ALL...and did NOT make apple pie or anything...just regular apple-eating...that's how we roll]. Soon the leaves will be changing and it will be sweater time... I LOVE sweaters... and Halloween is just around the corner. Once again, I face the conflict of only seeing sluttified costumes online. Might be a butterfly. VERY girly costume, I know, but ever since Amy highlighted my hair...I've felt more and more like a girly-girl everyday.

Preppin' and Steppin'

Less than 12 hours until I see the "little brats" again. That's what a member of our school's construction crew referred to the students as. Can't say I completely disagree. Looked over my class lists and didn't see any kids that I am completely dreading to have in class. Do have "B." again... he is this "portly" child who is completely lazy. Which came first, the portliness or the laziness, I ask? His handwriting is horrible and there seems to be some motor issues involved, but I just want to chalk it up to obesity and laziness ;-) I also have the "exhibitionist" in class...again. I wasn't graced with his presence in 7th grade, but as an 8th grader, he is enrolled in my class. Hopefully, I won't have to send him to the nurse again in order for her to tell him to stop rubbing himself during class. If I have to send him out again this year, I think I will just flip and be like, "Get the fuck out, now."

So, I am nervous, moreso anxious, about starting back to school tomorrow. The classroom is ready and I think I made the classroom space more logical than ever. Good feng shui... maybe. I have seating charts and a few extra things to do before tomorrow but instead of doing them after in-service today, I came home and relaxed a bit. Then went to the first step class for the new session. The instructor was obsessed with making us do this one particular step pattern that was hellish. She was walking around and "monitoring," and commanding us like a drill sergeant. Sadistic people should think of careers as exercise instructors.

After step, headed to the shoestore and to Marshalls...ANYTHING to not have to think about tomorrow. It's not that I am completely dreading work. Year 6 shouldn't be too bad... it's just getting back into the whole grind. I like the unstructured element of my summers. Now it's back to waking up early, making lunch, wearing "nice" clothes, grading quizzes/responses, going to faculty meetings, calling parents...argh.

But...looking on the bright side, next week's only a 3-day week... and it's payday too!