Triathlete

My neighbor across the street drives a maroon mini van. I just thought I'd state that detail.

In terms of being an active person, she is the complete opposite. She has a Stop-n-Shop truck deliver food to the house on a biweekly basis.  She also has housekeepers come to her house on a weekly basis. While one could say that those are simply signs of affluence rather than inactiveness, I also never see this woman outside of her house. She has two young children and a pet dog. I never see her playing outside with the children or even walking the dog. The dog sits on the lawn, ambles around, and then goes back inside the house. An "invisible electric fence" keeps the dog within the lawn area.

Anyway, on the back bumper of the caravan are two stickers. One sticker proudly proclaims "13.1" (half marathon). The other sticker simply says "Triathlete."

I'm all for people accomplishing goals, but if someone runs a half-marathon and has a bumper sticker stating triathlete status, that person shouldn't walk around looking like a frump in her oversized t shirts and tight "yoga" pants.

Just sayin'. 

Extremes

In regard to Facebook, I guess I can't complain about the stupid posts people write if I am the one who chooses to read them. Sometimes though, what people see as "best," "worst," or "disaster" simply serves to make me laugh.

A recent acquaintance posted the following: The worst thing happened. I needed to make pesto sauce before the basil went bad. The awful part was I had to put it in the fridge for tomorrow because I have a dentist appointment in the pm and I couldn't offend the dentist! I guess I will be happy tomorrow .

That whole "travesty" is so insignificant and laugh-worthy. There's tons of my friends who don't even have dental insurance and who would love to have the quandary of having pesto-breath before their dentist appointments.

This is the same girl who posted a photo of her new, gleaming Sub-Zero fridge and posted something along the lines of: Oh my gosh! I am so happy!

People really need to start getting their priorities straight...or they simply need to acquire more intelligence. 

On a side note, the woman I am speaking about is a teacher and constantly misuses words or makes grammatical mistakes---and stupid grammatical mistakes at that---we're talking your vs. you're. 

People like that embarrass me. 

Encroachment

Two of our good friends recently purchased a home. Yesterday was move in day. Their house has over a half acre of land. In most parts of the U.S.,  a half acre is nothing, but in NJ it is considered palatial estate space. Half of an acre! 

The lawn was miraculously bright emerald green, despite the recent lack of rainfall. There were not really fences in the neighborhood and the houses were spaced apart so that privacy was a reality.

I don't think John notices it, but I zone in so much on the noises of my neighborhood. During the weekdays, I hear three or four different sanitation companies' trucks riding up and down our street. That beeping noise that indicates a backing up motion of the truck aggravates me. I zone in on my neighbor training his dog to run back and forth across the small expanse of the backyard. I notice the intermittent stop-and-go of the postal office delivery truck. I hear weed whackers, lawn mowers, and so on. Most of the noise is machine-made, not human-made.

I don't see myself as the rural/country type, but you never know your thresholds until you experience them. I'm looking forward to an eventual next phase in life---where I feel like I can go outside, breathe, exhale, and not hear noise. There has to be some nature enthusiast hidden somewhere inside of me. 

Lazy

Oh my god. I was so incredibly lazy today. Sometimes I think that if I had a summer job, it would be beneficial because I'd be forced to "do something with my day." Then I get angry with myself for thinking that I need a job in order to "do something with my day."

It's almost 7pm now and the largest accomplishment of my day has been watching many consecutive episodes of Roseanne. I next plan on heading to the gym for a bit. I'm not planning anything too strenuous, just walking for 45 minutes or so and listening to some music.

I think I am starting to get into a summer funk---getting antsy, nervous, annoyed with the prospect of school starting up again. Having summers off is amazing, but I think it makes it more difficult to segue back into the work routine. I'll have to wear my "teacher clothing" (if I fit into it) and be energized at 7:40am.

I own a tshirt that proclaims "Procrastinators Unite!!...Tomorrow." All too often, I put off things that I could have easily done today. I might have to lean a little more toward the type A personality route and start jotting down daily tasks in my planner. Lame. 

Safari Barbie

It is amazing how a thought can be out of the human mind, almost forgotten, and then tons of memories can be ignited when one sees a single object or image.

Yesterday, we went to Scranberry Coop, a consignment-style shop featuring 100+ booths of various goods.

Instantly, I saw objects that made me think of memories from childhood. I saw a basket-style tumbler (Melmac--after some research) that made me think of my grandmother. She had those tumblers throughout my childhood, in addition to the Welch's jam jars that converted into drinkware. The store also had tons of limited edition glasses from McDonald's. The limited edition drinkware usually celebrated a new film such as Star Wars or The Great Muppet Caper. The store also has an abundant supply of Russ trolls. I remember those being popular when I was younger.

The biggest "Ooh" moment, however, occurred when I saw a Barbie doll. She was labeled as "disco Barbie," which could not be further from her actual title: Animal Lovin' Safari Barbie. She wears a gold lamee halter top, gold and pink leopard vest & matching ruffled mini-skirt, and pink hiking boots with a heel. She also has a gold fish-net style hair bandana.

As a young girl, I didn't own tons of Barbies. I preferred art toys like Etch A Sketch or Video Painter. I totally remember having that Safari Barbie though. In retrospect, the doll's outfit is hilarious. Even more hilarious is the accessory kit that is offered for the Safari Barbie. I looked online and saw that the accessory kit contained a pink picnic table, pink cooler, radio, pots, pans, and bamboo-style dish drying rack. I'd give Mattel much more credit if Safari Barbie came with a 12 gauge shotgun, a buck knife, and emergency malaria medicine.

I guess the California "safari" terrain is quite a bit different from the African Plains.

Shaking on a Monday

I had three cups of coffee this morning. I tried going light on the amount of sugar and cream. Last December, I went on a low-sugar kick and drank black coffee. I'd like to get back into that routine.

Right now, my hands are actually lightly shaking. It's 12:37 and I am energized, even if artificially, for the day. The past week at Artist/Teacher Institute has been amazing, but my eating habits were totally off-kilter. I don't want to step on a scale, but I can imagine the havoc I have wreaked. Last night, I watched an episode of Extreme Weight Loss Makeover on ABC. If the 543 pound guy on the show could eat 2000 calories daily and have ultra crazy workouts, I think I can get back to my good habits and eat healthier, in addition to going to the gym.

I am almost the same weight I was in early college---not good.

Here's to shaky hands and the start of better habits!

Delia's Wishes

I love the word corpulent. It surpasses fat, heavy, big-boned, obese, overweight, any plump. Corpulent tells it like it is-- utter gluttony and sloth embodied in rolls of flesh.

In high school, I was corpulent. I did not have the advantage that some "fat" girls have---large breasts and a large ass. Corpulent girls do not get those benefits.

I wore guys' clothing because it was easier to find 38 waist pants than to step foot into a Lane Bryant. I wore guys' boxers "with the dick holes" as I so eloquently describe them. I wore cottony bras that were one step above the flattening effects of sports bras, but were nowhere near the sexiness of bras with lace or see-through effects. I wore horizontally-striped shirts sized for men.

Today, I got a Delia's catalog in the mail. Delia's can be found in most malls and has been in existence since my teen years. Sassy magazine (RIP) used to always have Delia's ads.

Two years ago, I ordered comic book style Converse from Delia's and have been on the mailing list since. NONE of this clothing would really ever fit me. Although I weigh less than I did in high school and am more plump than corpulent, Delia's clothing is juniors fit. It is meant for lanky, awkward, curveless girls. I could probably shimmy into an XL tee, but anything else from the store would not fit me properly. The clothing is also inappropriate in that many shirts are flirty and midriff-baring. Other shirts have cute slogans or are silkscreened with images of One Direction band members. You can proclaim your love for all of One Direction or for an individual band member. The styles of jeans have names like Morgan, Perry, and Jordin--- names that would fit bitchy girls in high school cliques. Delia's carries the size of double zero.

Although the only thing I have ever purchased from this company is a pair of shoes, I still feel compelled to remain on the subscription list. Part of the reasoning is nostalgic and part of the reasoning is wishful thinking. I think that part of me hopes to one day "get in shape" enough to wear Delia's clothing. Bodies can't be time machines though.

At least I can always fit into their jewelry.