karma

I shouldn't have made the "fat people" post... Despite eating healthy this week...the only exceptions being pigging out on food at John's parents late night on Friday [after being starved from a raw foods, 16 bite "feast"]...I gained 2.2 pounds. Karma.

Am so frustrated. John says if I add some strength training to my workout that it will help balance the weight loss and make it more consistent. I don't want to do strength training :( Other people at Weight Watchers "treat themselves" to weekly gorge fests on pizza, fries, etc. The last time I have had those foods... I can't even recall:( My metabolism, etc annoys me.

Also...lately...I find myself in a conflict with social networking sites. Part of me likes reading about friends and sharing thoughts, etc. Part of me thinks that these sites end up making me feel lonesome or sad. People seem to post [almost in a bragging manner] all these highlights of their lives. Additionally, it seems like we do more "commenting" back and forth than in "live," in-person time. Can make someone actually feel more out of touch with their "friends" than in touch. I sometimes think it'd be worthwhile to just get rid of myspace, facebook, etc.

Then... I worry what I would do with my time. Most likely it would be way more productive than [essentially] staring at a screen and taking silly "quizzes" like "What Beatles song are you?" and "What your birthdate says about you."

from 18 Days Without You, by Anne Sexton

December 16th

Once upon a time
you grew up in a bedroom the size of a dime
and shared it with your sister. That was West End
Avenue in Manhattan. Longing for country you were penned
into city, peering across the Hudson at Palisades Park.
The boy in you played stickball until it was dark.

One upon a time
I was the only child forbidden to climb
over the garden wall. I didn't dare to speak
up over the Victorian houseful of rare antiques.
My dolls were all proper, waiting in neat rows.
My room was high ceilinged, lonely and full of echoes.

Once upon a time
you said, "Now that the cabin is ours,
I'm going to run the power in."
And we had a power party.
I made gingham curtains. We nailed up your Doctoral degree.
We turned the stove on twice. Oh my love, oh my louse,
we make our own electricity while we play house.

Insensitive Bitch...or maybe just a realist

Losing weight has turned me into an aggressive bitch. Case in point: I was at Costco today, trying to navigate consumerism hell on earth. It wasn't even that it was crowded but simply that tons of fat, lazy people were slowly trudging through the store... stopping every five seconds to wait 1-2 minutes for a tiny food morsel sample. It was so annoying. In my head, I was thinking things like, "Move out my way, you fat fuck," "Could your pants be any tighter?," etc.

I NEVER thought this way before.

I guess losing weight has just made me annoyed with other people who, voluntarily, allow themselves to be unhealthy.... unattractive.... lazy...etc. All those traits go together. I wish that stores would stop selling huge sizes. Maybe then people would be motivated to try to take care of themselves--- public humiliation tends to do the trick in many scenarios.

I feel the best I have felt in a long time...probably ever. I can't imagine going back to what I was before...not that I was even anything too horrific. But, it's like once you improve yourself and see all the other positive changes that come along with that one initial improvement, theres no way you will go back to the way things were.

I really don't spend much of my own time thinking about other "fat" people...it's just something that was on my mind today...amidst the gluttons shopping @ Costco.

temperate skies

The weather of the past week has made me feel like we're in that Ray Bradbury short story, "All Summer in a Day." I witnessed the bright sun shining today, so I guess I won't be playing the part of the girl who gets locked in the closet--- imprisoned long enough to miss the sun shining, let out just in time to see the rain begin to pour again.

While I previously was intrigued by the idea of living in a primarily rainy area like Seattle, this week has confirmed that I would never want to permanently live in a place like that. The rain has been miserable.

The forecast for tonight and tomorrow is rainstorms...again. Right now, there's a light breeze outside and the fading sunlight is slipping through the gaps between trees, branches, and leaves. I like the contrast between the warm temperature outside and the slight chill of the breeze passing by.

I am not really in the mood for welcoming more rain, but I wouldn't mind a full-blown hail storm sometime soon. I remember when I was younger... I ran outside during a hail storm and "caught" hail in a bucket. I then proceeded to keep the bucket in the freezer for quite a few months. I have to start doing silly things like that again, sometime soon.

Fascination with accents

Any guy who comes to "the states" and has an accent should never be single. As in, there shouldnt be the possibility of singledom for him. American women LOVE accents.

Last night, Jen, Val, and I went out. Two guys were talking to us. One was the "dominant" guy---he came up to us first, started the conversation, etc. His friend (average height, glasses, not super attractive but not unattractive either] just kind of stood nearby, not saying anything. Later in the evening, he revealed that he is the "wingman" when him and his friend go out. Amusing.

When he finally spoke later in the evening, it turned out he had an accent. He's from Wales. Of course, all of us replied, "Oh, England?," to which he replied again, "No, Wales." I'd love to take an informal survey of Americans who actually know and/or recognize Wales as an actual country.

Chris (Welsh guy) was saying he has kind of sworn off dating and given up. Unbelievable. I told him he needs to go to a laundromat, carefully fold his wash, and make sure he goes to the counter and asks for change or some other simple request, making sure to put his voice at a good volume. The minute any woman hears an accent---bam---that's it.

American women are fascinated by accents. I've seen the same scenario occur amongst myself, friends, others: you may be bored with someone or just indifferent. The minute that accent is heard, you are immediately interested. It's something unique. Exciting. Unknown territory.