Lofty goals

I am ADEPT at coming up with ideas and doing the preparation. Execution, however, is not my forte.

Case in point: in the summer, I had this "great" idea to use beer bottle caps to make tacky wreaths and photo frames. The tackiness level could be brought to the next degree with, specifically, green Heineken and red Budweiser caps; using those bottle caps could create the ultimate festive wreath.

Through Freecycle, I had one main bottle cap "connection"--yes, networking for bottle caps--hilarious. She knew someone who worked at Applebee's and that person got the bartenders on staff to save tons of bottle caps for me. I just picked them up today and filled a giant shoe box and small shopping bag with the bottle caps. I have no idea how many I have, but I have the urge to count all of them, just out of curiosity.

I bought the crafting supplies: copious amounts of glue sticks, plain wooden frames, ornament balls, mini-wreaths, etc.

It's almost like the planning is more exciting than the actual execution....

Mindless lists

I hate giving in to "top" lists and such, but I saw this list on someone else's blog and thought it was semi-interesting...interesting enough to consume 5 minutes or so and re-post it to my blog....

Got this from http://littleturkishgirl.blogspot.com/

Have you read more than 6 of these books? The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books listed here.

Instructions: Copy this. Bold those books you've read in their entirety, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish or read an excerpt. Tag other book nerds. Tag me as well so I can see your responses!

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen (it was either this book or Jane Eyre- I read 90 pages in "one shot" and then stopped...)
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte (see note for #1...I detested these types of books in high school...might appreciate them more now)4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling (got 100 or so pages into the first book and wasn't interested...all I recall is a passage about jelly beans)
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee (read it!)
6 The Bible - Too Many Cooks
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens (read it back in 9th grade- recall being so bored with it that I actually fell asleep while reading it one night; would like to re-visit it sometime soon though)
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (complete? Geez...the list is really from the BBC, I guess... Have read Tempest, Titus Andronicus, Taming of the Shrew, Romeo and Juliet, and some others...but not "complete works")
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald 
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoevsky28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown Davinci Code... why is it on this "list"?
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwanhalf-bolded because I made it halfway through:)
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert X
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce76 The Inferno – Dante 
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White 
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo


I think the fact that I haven't read Charlotte's Web or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a testament to my screwed-up childhood. Many of the books on this list are ones that I own (Lolita, Time Traveler's Wife, Dracula, Notes from a Small Island), but haven't gotten around to reading yet. I realize that this is just some list (can't say "random," as it was published by BBC), but I can't believe I have only read 9 out of the 100... Have read Christmas Carol but only the play version...that doesn't count since Dickens' version is a novella...

One step forward, one step back, maybe even 2.

I just can't get a break. Seems like every time there is an improvement in our current "lot in life," there is another thing that comes along that makes you step backward. Case in point: I've been taking tons of tech classes at work and have managed to earn Master's + 30 indistrict credits. I got a pay raise of about $70 a month. In my head, I rationalize, "Wow, that's basically our phone bill. It's almost our whole cable bill. Cool."

Then, we got an updated mortgage bill in the mail the other day. Our mortgage has gone up by about $50 each month. It's so aggravating. I realize John is working part-time and we have less income, but still. It's such a downer that you could have the "decent" joint income of what ours is and still be struggling. When I think about it, my heart starts beating faster. I don't even want to take the time or effort to go outside and rake leaves or "beautify" our house because I am just so pissed off at the cost of things. I know things could be worse, but I also get so focused on how angry I am at the cost of things. They say that buying a house is the American dream but in 2010 (especially in NJ), it really isn't. I worry ahead to when we get John's tuition bill for spring... and that's not even that much, since it is a local college, but still.

I miss the simplicity of apartment life. We always had enough for rent and necessities, plus money for extras.I don't need things to be easy, but I need to be able to take one step ahead and remain in the forward-walking direction.

Halloween Frenzy

As a kid, I didn't like Halloween. My recollections of childhood Halloweens revolve around the following images: a 2 year-old me in red cowgirl outfit, standing beside my father; having to concoct my own "clown" outfit when Mom was drunk and I had to dress up for Halloween (I wore a green clown wig with her hippie vest from the 1960s); feeling fat and frumpy and wearing large, billowy clothing to be a gypsy in high school; dressing up as a nun (so fucking lame); and dressing up as a baby (the prototypical outfit for teen girls who want to go trick-or-treating but don't want to put effort into a costume).

I think I revel in Halloween as an adult because of those junky childhood memories.

This year, I am being a "provocative" jailbird. I always like the contradiction of my outfits: short skirt with fishnets, but with masculine Doc Martens and black boxer briefs under the skirt since it is so short:) It's like being a slutty tomboy.

I feel kind of crappy this year because I have definitely gained weight the past few months and don't necessarily feel "sexy." I really have to get this eating/portion control situation in order.

I am, however, remaining optimistic and looking ahead---I am already thinking about my costume for next year. For probably the past 4 years, I have yearned to be a mermaid for Halloween. I have searched online and know, by heart, the various color and design offerings from several websites. I want to buy a costume, but tweak it with my own ideas.

Tonight, at the Good Will store and TJ Maxx, I saw TWO mermaid costumes-- one was for a dog and the other was for a little girl. I get that it's Halloween and costumes are abound, but Good Will and TJ Maxx aren't exactly costume headquarters. The mermaid costumes are a sign--- I must be one next year!

Mom and baby costumes...

I realize that we're in a different generation. Having kids does not mean you have to leave behind all remnants of youth or fun. However, I also think there is something ridiculous about the abundance of moms (and dads too) who dress up to match their small children.

I don't have any strong arguments for my point of view. I just think it's stupid. I have no issue with dressing up a little for Halloween and having fun going trick-or-treating with your little ones (although my feelings on trick-or-treating with babies is also a strong one: I think it's stupid!). When  you start coordinating family costumes though, eek... it's a bit much for me.

I'm sure I might change my mind a bit when we have a baby of our own (though I really don't think I will) :)

FML

I hate when people post FML on Facebook. Inevitably, it is always followed by something that is clearly not an FML situation. An FML situation is a situation that is so dire and, just plain shitty, that you don't have actual time to worry about posting it on Facebook.

Some people post FML in regard to traffic. Um--- we live in NJ---the most densely populated state in the U.S. Fuck population density, maybe...but not your life.

Others post FML in connection to instances like having tons of grad school work to do. Okay-- a majority of people make the choice to go to grad school; most aren't forced into it.  If they're making that choice, then they shouldn't complain. I suffered through grad classes and working full-time (all while regressing to an acne-ridden face from the chaos of it all); I survived...and not once did I post FML.

I just think that our society is such a generation ME society. People really need to think about others' situations and, then, they should give mindful thought to whether they are truly in FML situations.

Take me, for example. John and I got married and moved into our first home. Three months later, he quit his job (with my agreement) and decided to go back to school. Now, we have: mortgage payments (almost 3x what our previous apartment rent was), the higher utilities bills that come with houses, and tuition fees. I work full-time and John is only working part-time. The situation sucks. BUT... our relationship is great and even better than ever. We're making our ends meet, month to month. It could be worse. It isn't an FML situation.

I think I am going to start an FPD movement though.

Hilarious

The women at Weight Watchers crack me up.

Today, I had a weight gain of .8 pounds. "Just a speck," according to the woman who signed me in at the front desk. A speck? It's almost a pound...

The woman at the front desk proceeded to look me over, up and down: "What kind of pants do you have on today?"

I had on light spandex exercise pants... the kind I always wear on weigh-in day. I had no shoes on and a light t-shirt on, like usual.  My clothing is the "control" in this weight loss "experiment."

My sister-in-law, upon hearing of my weight gain, asked me, "Did you... you know...go to the bathroom today?"

Hilarious...the excuses that we make for ourselves, and for others.

Nope, ladies. No heavier clothing. No lack of excretion. Just too many slices of pumpkin cake and Italian appetizers at Saturday night's dinner.

On to next week....

Heavy breathing, like Notorious B.I.G.

I remember when Notorious B.I.G.'s songs came out---my friends and I would laugh at the heavy breathing he produced during the song--clear signs that the man was morbidly obese and, possibly, had binged a cheeseburger, fries, and onion rings during sound checks.

Right now, I have a gigantic ass.  I am also breathing heavily when simply walking around or carrying things. I'm just annoyed at how I've "let myself go."

I officially started WW on Monday. Went to the meeting and stepped on the scale of truth. The number was higher than I thought it would be.  Some girl at the meeting was basically explaining her way of cheating the points system and making something be less points. Another woman asked, "I just don't know what to do. At night, all I want to do is eat." I had to slightly smile at comments like that. 1] Don't "cheat" the points system.... it's meant for estimations, not total scientific accuracies. 2] Um- don't eat?

I am trying to take things in stride. Went to put on my "big jeans" for work and they were skin tight. Skin tight where you are left with rivet marks from the waist band deeply pressing into your flesh. Whatever. Put on another pair of jeans that were probably too casual for work but oh well.

Am just trying to keep a positive state of mind, which is ridiculously difficult for pessimist me. Think I will make like DJ Tanner in that infamous Full House episode: put pictures of models all over the fridge, snack on ice cubes, and exercise lots... I'll be that episode minus the fainting.

Vocation

Voc means having to do with the voice. A vocation, as most know it, is a job-- though the word's definition also generally includes the phrase "a calling."

Tomorrow is the first day of school. Agh. At times, I wish summer vacation was less time or that I could find a "summer job" that would pay decent and be "fun." When it comes down to it, not working for two months makes it extremely difficult on the eventual evening before you go back to work.

I have to do seating charts, make some cut-outs for the bulletin board, and do some other mundane tasks. I've stayed in all day and basically done nothing except eat exorbitant amounts of food and flip-flopped through the various marathons on TV: 90210, Housewives of NJ, and The Office.

Of course, part of me is nervous about tomorrow morning--- the first impressions the students will form about me, especially.

Many times, people have asked me (students and adults) whether I think you need to be smart to be a teacher. While intelligence is a factor, when you get down to it, you just have to be a few steps in front of the students. Not exactly genius work, especially at middle school or primary school level.

At this stage in the teaching game, I feel like confidence can make you rise above any missing intellectual components. Act like you know and act like you are spectacular at what you do and people, notably 13 year olds, fall for it.

I feel like I am the other way around--I have the intelligence part down-pat but am lacking the confidence part---which makes going back to work tomorrow even more challenging. Nothing I will do with my classes tomorrow will be particularly deep or thought-provoking. I just need the confidence. Argh.

As thoughts are swirling around me about the idea of going "back to work," the following poem aptly arrived in my inbox as poem of the day.

Vocation
by Sandra Beasley

For six months I dealt Baccarat in a casino.
For six months I played Brahms in a mall.
For six months I arranged museum dioramas;
my hands were too small for the Paleolithic
and when they reassigned me to lichens, I quit.
I type ninety-one words per minute, all of them Help. Yes, I speak Dewey Decimal.
I speak Russian, Latin, a smattering of Tlingit.
I can balance seven dinner plates on my arm.
All I want to do is sit on a veranda while
a hard rain falls around me. I'll file your 1099s.
I'll make love to strangers of your choice.
I'll do whatever you want, as long as I can do it
on that veranda. If it calls you, it's your calling,
right? Once I asked a broker what he loved
about his job, and he said Making a killing.
Once I asked a serial killer what made him
get up in the morning, and he said The people.

The kind of morning I like

I haven't been outside yet, so who knows---it could be humid and uncomfortable.  I am loving the weather from inside the house though. Am sitting in the computer room with nothing but the windows to light the room. The blinds are half open. I can hear the breeze shake the trees intermittently. Spots of light and shadow are entering the window, then exiting. It's supposed to be in the 70s today. In my opinion, it's a perfect day.

"I'm a Weight Watcher!"

When I used to be on Weight Watchers (officially, as in going to the meetings and beaming over stupid incentives like bookmarks celebrating weight loss), I made up this 4-word jingle that basically copied the "I'm a Wheel Watcher" jingle from the gameshow. Instead, you guessed it, the lines in the jingle were "I'm a Weight Watcher."

Well, I guess I can sing that song again--starting this evening.

I have decided to rejoin Weight Watchers, meetings and all. I haven't stepped on a scale in ages but clothing says enough--- went to go put on my "loose" nice jeans for work and they were skin tight on me... like skin tight as in how Suzanne Somers wore her jeans on Three's Company. This was not a SEXY tight either.

Clothing tells enough. I don't need to step on a scale. I also don't want to step on a scale-- because I know the number will be high--the highest it has been in what I can truthfully say is YEARS.

I am trying to get too negative. Afterall, I am not 300 pounds or at the point of necessary gastric bypass (though I would welcome that "easy" weight loss-- haha). I'm just aggravated at myself. I got to such a good point over a year and a half ago and now I screwed it all up.

I used to say my total weight loss goal would be to get to 137. Screw that. For the timebeing, I just want my typically loose jeans to be loose:) Onward and upward (except for the #s on the scale)...

10 days in the shoes of Morgan Spurlock

I think I am still feeling residual effects from our Midwest Tour de Fat. Since we have gotten back from the trip, I've just been sitting around, basically doing nothing. Should really go to the gym and plan on actually getting there today. I know I just have to get back to improved eating habits but I feel, as the saying goes, "like a bump on a log."

Right now I am thinking of how, in Supersize Me, Morgan Spurlock gets his medical checkup (after nearly a month of consuming McDonald's) and his cholesterol, heart rate, etc are dreadful. I feel the same.

I don't know how people can eat like this all the time. I just feel like shit :) In fact, I don't know how I ate like this in high school. I used to always eat Mcdonald's, Burger King, etc. Guess that's why I had to wear guys' clothing for most of my high school life (could never find my size in regular stores for girls).

Gluttony goes hand in hand with another "g" word: guilt.

Left to my own ideas

So I couldn't think of anything to write and googled "blog post ideas." I got a bunch of stupid ideas:) Even beyond stupid, a lot of them seemed pretentious...like I should post under the assumption that I have a huge following or something. Lame.

Instead I am left on my own to come up with ideas.

We're back from the Midwest trip. I loved Wisconsin. Granted, we were in Wisconsin during the most beautiful time of the year but still-- could winter be that bad?

Along the trip, there were definite laugh-out-loud points. Just a sampling of them:

**When we were touring the Miller Brewery, the guy in front of us had on a bowling-style shirt that said ROTTING FLESH on the back, yellow letters against a black background. Badass. Haha.

**Also on the brewery tour, we saw some guy fondling a cigar in his hand. Seriously. He had the cigar, unlit, resting between his fingers.

**This girl was leaving, Culver's, a popular fast food restaurant. She was, and I say this truthfully, huge. She had on a light blue t-shirt, speckled with bleach stains. Maybe a Pollock fan? :) She also had on cotton shorts that clearly had an elasticized waist. Upon reaching into the backseats on her caravan, the shirt went up, the shorts went down, and... ass was seen. Hilarious.

**At this metal show we went to, we saw this guy that clearly needed other people's validation. He did that hand gesture, the one that means "Rock on" or something like that. While doing the gesture, he looked around him and kind of shook his head in an affirmative way--seeking someone else to agree with him that the music was "badass." He had a portion of his hair that was spiked and dyed red. He had on: a Rolling Stone tee, jeans with large ass pockets, bright white sneakers, a silver studded belt (think 8th graders shopping at Hot Topic), a skull bandana twisted around his wrist, a red studded-like bracelet, and painted nails. I am not making any of these details up. He was hilarious.

Good times.

Midwest thoughts

Almost [approximately] 10 years ago, John and me embarked on our East coast roadtrip.Over the course of 4 weeks, maybe even more, we traveled down I-95 and made our way to Florida. We stopped along the way in: Baltimore, some very urban place in DC/Virginia whose hotel featured a "drug watch jurisdiction" sign, Outer Banks, Savannah, Charleston, Daytona Beach, Miami, Orlando, and finally made it to Key West.

Right now we are halfway through our Midwest roadtrip. Drove 14 hours the first day and made it to Chicago. Wandered 'round Wrigleyville area of Chicago. Moved on to Milwaukee (parked astoundingly far from places that has ridiculously close parking spots---we assume every place is like NYC: "Stop! Take the parking spot as soon as you see it.").Next was Mall of America (fun, but we were hoping it would be like a little town-- a place where you could sleep and everything--instead it was tourist mecca). We then turned around and made it back to Appleton to visit John's friend.

Being out here makes me think of possibilities of moving. The houses are reasonably priced and if I moved out here I'd feel like I was making money and not just giving the entire paycheck to the mortgage company.People say you make more $ in NJ and that's true, but it's mainly only true for those upper level business jobs. Plus, the house prices are exponentially cheaper... you'd make out in the end by moving here.

There's so much green too. On the highway, we saw what I could honestly say were verdant tracts of land. Tons of wildflowers growing on roadsides. Plenty of horses and cows to see. There's lot of state and county parks and just general kindess. It's the type of place in which I would want to have John and I raise a family.

Moving would not happen for AWHILE but it's something wonderful to keep in the back [but not too far back] part of my mind. 
 

STFU

Agh. Facebook status posts aro so annoying and self-indulgent. I don't need to hear about someone's amazing vacation or read some lameass post that praises the "aesthetics" of artwork at the Tate Museum.

This one really makes me roll my eyes: 1 year ago today I married my best friend, today I get to look forward to spending an entire lifetime together!

Half the time, when I read facebook status updates I am either thinking to myself "shut the fuck up" or "get a fucking life." Yes, i realize one could argue that the second thought could easily be said to me, in terms of the abundant amount of time I spend reading the stupid status updates in the first place.

I feel that sites like Facebook are places where people can just gloat about the wonderful, amazing, fill in the blank here with any lameass adjective you'd see on sticker that an elementary school teacher would hand out, things going on in their lives. Equally annoying is when people are like "There's a long line at the DMV--- fml." Really? Fuck your life because you're waiting on a long line somewhere...?

When I am away from the computer, it generally "does me good." Although I miss it, it is so completely refreshing to go about my day and just get things done. I like situations where I am forced to be without technologies, for temporary amounts of time.

I've made an oath to myself to not post self-indulgent things....though I am not really a self-indulgent kind of person anyway, when it comes to comments I make in everyday life. I like to avoid the spotlight being on me... because there's over 6.5 billion other people in the world.

Mixed Sky

Love the sky outside right now. There's still a trace of blue jutting through the rest of the sky, white and grey. There's dark clouds overhead but the sky still looks indecisive---not sure if it will rain, downpour, or just stay stagnant.

For years, I've quite enjoyed weather reports of epic proportions. Whenever there's a hurricane or earthquake [not in Jersey, of course], I stay near the television and constantly tune in to hear about the latest progression. Somehow I feel that my enthusiasm for natural disasters would significantly decrease if I lived in an area that actually had natural disasters.

Natural disasters are to the Weather Channel what Britney Spears breakdowns are to Perez Hilton--- a godsend.

The forecast for tonight is pretty bland: a mix of clouds and sun. Tomorrow, it will be "generally sunny." Sunday, just about the same. Monday has a chance for scattered thunderstorms---that makes me smile. I love the sudden sound of thunder crashing, the darkened skies, and the occasional lightning bolt being the only thing that illuminates your daylight bedroom.

Behind

I know I say nothing original when I talk about how I can't "get ahead" no matter what. John and I have met many people our age who basically are idiots but who are, economically, quite a bit ahead of us. So basically intelligence does not necessarily equate to money. It's kind of a depressing thought. I mean, I don't care about money that much but it pisses me off that a stupid person could be ahead of me:) I realize that's a very conceited kind of thing to say. Oh well.

Things just annoy me. Today we paid $550 for John to get his car fixed. Then, we paid $2200 for his fall tuition bill. Both payments are for things we need and it's not like they're lavish purchases...but maybe that's part of the problem. I don't have a need for lavish purchases but it would be comforting to know that I had extra money in the bank to make said lavish purchases if I wanted to.

I really don't know what I'd do with exorbitant amounts of money in the bank though. Maybe buy some pairs of Betsey Johnson earrings. Buy some new Birks. Buy high quality shampoo and hair products. That's about it. I'm sure I'd figure it out if extra income suddenly came my way.

"Don't be so judgemental; not everyone is from Beverly Hills"

Oh, David Silver...such a sage.

It's amazing how watching an hour rerun of a show from your adolescence can bring back a flood of memories.

Soapnet is having reruns of Beverly Hills 90210... they're episodes of the college years... Makes me instantly think of how I loved this show during middle school and high school. I truly liked it during middle school (because I was dumb and actually thought the show was entertaining). I continued to like the show during high school (because I felt bad "abandoning" it).

I remember having a white tshirt with 90210 written in purple, brandon walsh standing to the left side of the nine--I proudly wore this shirt, even though I usually detest white tshirts! I remember naming my lameass pet hermit crab "Austin," after Brian Austin Green. I remember how the plotlines became more ridiculous as time continued, but i just continued watching because, who knows, maybe the show could have improved...kind of similar to my thinking when I continued watching Saved by the Bell even though the college years were ridiculous....

Even when the plotlines reached hilarity (David's drug problem, Dylan wife "Toni" getting shot, Nat having a heart attack) I still watched the show. What's wonderful is that even as you get older and times change, when you watch these shows, they truly do instantly bring you back in time. I guess every generation assumes that their generation is the best but I can't imagine today's young generation having such affinity for current shows in the future... reality shows don't really hold up as well as lame pseudo-soaps...

Track 2, Love is a Mix Tape EP

Mike... boyfriend #2. We met on Yahoo Personals--I realize that meeting every person you've dated via online means seems quite lame and pathetic. Whatever:)

Mike and I had absolutely nothing in common. His music collection consisted of Christian bands like Jars of Clay, Weird Al's discography, and Billy Joel albums. When I played the Cranberries for him, he seemed entranced.

He was a Baptist, very much into Nascar, was interested in fixing up his Chevy Blazer and El Camino, and was not against wearing jeans cut into shorts. The twilight zone of dating for me.

We only stayed with each other for the summer and I broke up with him through AOL messaging.

Funny, the thing I liked most about him were the Cehvy Blazer and the El Camino. The Chevy Blazer had the backseats torn out and had gigantic tires. I remember being impressed when Mike hopped these huge curbs behind the old Mace Furniture and we made out. Hopping curbs with a S?UV-- these are the things that reel in women:) The El Camino was purple and had a dirty back windshield-- through the dust, you could decipher remnants of his ex: "Lisa <3s Mike." It always fascinated me that he was so maniacal about the mechanics of his car but didn't bother to clean them.

His ex had some reproductive issue and could never get pregnant-- so they had tons of sex without condoms or anything. Mike and I never made it to the sex point anyway.

I think the Baptist faith and enthusiasm over Weird Al made me not go past making out point.

The summer we dated was the summer of Len's one hit wonder, "Steal My Sunshine." -- the song resonates with me as being a cheesy summer hit. When I hear it now, I want to roll my eyes and smile at the same time.

Not surprising, "Steal My Sunshine" was one of Mike's favorite songs...

Track 2: Len's "Steal My Sunshine" .....

La Belle Dame Sans Merci

Love is a Mix Tape, or EP, selections will be continued soon:) ....

My birthday is in about a week and a half. I've never been the type to want to make a big deal out of my birthday. In fact, I think it's more amusing to participate in festivities when others make big deals out of their birthdays.

I also think that I am one of those people who revels in seeing who actually remembers my birthday. I like to say nothing, mention nothing to anybody, and then see what happens.

John always struggles with what to get me for a gift. He generally waits until the last possible moment, in which he has to use the mall as means for the gift...no online shopping for procrastinators.

Last year, he got me this Vera Bradley purse--- green with large, bold flowers. It was exactly the one I wanted. I ended up returning it though...just never used it.

A few years ago, knowing that I love the color green, he got me a LARGE jade pendant. I returned it for something a little more modest.

This year, I told him I wanted a nice framed print for the bedroom. I gave him a website and wrote down 4 artists' names: Mucha, Waterhouse, Wyeth, and Klimt. I told John to search through the artists and pick a painting that would be good for the bedroom that both of us would like. Not an easy task, I realize. Kind of like a birthday gift/scavenger hunt.

He showed me three paintings that made the "final cut": Klimt's Hygieia, Klimt's Apple Tree 1912, and Waterhouse's La Belle Dame Sans Merci. For each painting, he told me an apt reason for wanting it for us. Hygieia somehow represents male and female, Apple Tree connects to us because apple picking is truly one of the things we look forward to each autumn, and La Belle Dame Sans Merci relates to a phrase he has heard for years---additionally, the painting is of a woman and a knight.

We're going with La Belle Dame Sans Merci. Based on a Keats poem, it actually isn't the most "romantic" of paintings, despite the imagery's conveyance. It's mysterious.

I almost feel like we don't even have to buy the print now---just knowing that he picked that one out is a good gift... we're still buying the framed print:)

"Love is a Mix Tape"

A few years ago, Rob Sheffield wrote "Love is a Mix Tape." The title alone reeled me in and I purchased the book. Clinging to the awesomeness of the title and the excellence of the cover art (two very stupid, yet influential things), I read on, hoping that the book would get better. I never finished it. Its spine is still prominently featured on my bookshelf though. Can't underestimate the value of glancing at a great title and smiling.

So...I got to thinking about it tonight on my drive home....on 124 west or 24 west...have lived here 10+ years and still get confused.

If I were to make a mix tape of my past loves, what single song would represent each person?

I quickly realized that instead of a list of songs that would compose my mix tape, my list of songs would compose a short EP. There weren't too many past loves, especially if the main technicality is that for someone to be a past love, it has to have been someone with whom I had an actual relationship...

Paul-- high school boyfriend---

We started dating under false premises. Jeff, from our lunch table, told Paul that I liked him. I was in 11th grade and Paul was in 9th grade. I guess an 11th grade girl (even an overweight, acne-ridden girl)liking a 9th grade minion was seen as a something to go after.

Paul immediately asked me out (I didn't know about the whole Jeff thing and thought Paul liked me). Despite not being attracted to him and thinking that we had absolutely nothing in common, I said yes. Another word for yes in situations like these is desperation.

Our first "date" was after school by the bay. We walked on the Ocean Gate boardwalk and sat on the sand. Instantly, Paul lunged forward toward my mouth; all I noticed was his hawk-like nose diving toward me (accurate sight--friends in high school called him "Bird" because of that prominent feature). After he tried kissing me, I replied, "What the fuck were you thinking?"

A bit of a rough start to a relationship...

We dated for 1 1/2 years. It was a "passionate" two years...like the stuff that Sunday night Lifetime movies are made of. Our personalities just didn't click. I yelled all the time; he basically did whatever I told him.

If I had to pick one song to represent this relationship it would be Firehouse's "Sleeping with You." Irony is that in 18 months of dating, we never technically "did it"-- everyone assumed we did but nope...I held out:)

I remember Paul liked an interesting range of music: STP, Alice in Chains, Cannibal Corpse,.... and remnants of his dad's tastes: Firehouse, George Thorogood, Alice Cooper, etc...

He did make me a mix tape once...and I recall it being an odd combination of songs, which is what a mix tape is generally all about.

"Sleeping with You" may be a song that seems to have sexual innuendo in it, but I always thought of it innocently-- as in sleeping beside someone and just enjoying the peace of the moment.

Even though I wouldn't call our relationship perfect, it was my first real relationship and a bunch of other silly, innocent firsts came with it... this song stands out in my mind as track 1, Paul.

......

Happiness Project

Am reading Gretchin Rubin's book, The Happiness Project, and am thoroughly enjoying it. I like that the author tells it as it is: it's not like she is impoverished, diagnosed with depression, suffering through a divorce, or going through other monumental struggles. Instead, she is just seeking more happiness in her day-to-day life.

While summer is a phenomenally relaxing time for me, I also find that I am very challenged by motivating myself. Most days, I don't wake up until after 10 and don't manage to leave the house until well after 1pm. Leaving the house at 1pm to "start my day" gets me to thinking: if it were a "work day," I would have taught 5 classes by now. I still would have the same amount of "free time" left in my day. In other words, I am starting to feel very unproductive amidst the summer days.

I made a silly to-do list, but with things that actually mean a lot to me, in terms of getting them done. I have joked about turning the ugly 1950s bathroom into "fun, 1950s kitsch," but that has only be imagined, not completed. I've talked about printing my online photos and organizing my photos albums...the print button has not been touched yet. And almost upon our 2 year anniversary, we still have not completed out wedding album!

Not exactly large-scale goals, but things that I should, nevertheless, be able to accomplish quickly....

I also want to start blogging more often. Rubin suggests blogging 6x a week... while it seems like a lot, I just think about the large span of time that can pass when I don't blog often.

Despite the cheesiness factor, I think I might use some blog-writing-prompt sites to help me and truly begin to blog 6x a week.

:)

Downtrodden

Downtrodden... such a sad word... it's probably a bit extreme for how I feel now, but it's within the general vicinity.

With all of the things Gov. Christie has been proposing and with the various negative comments about teachers from online forums, one can't help but feel downtrodden.

A co-worker and I were talking after school the other day--I was saying how sometimes when I come to work I feel like a sucker, like someone who just is a complete idiot and allows herself to be walked upon. Yes, yes. Healthcare benefits are great. I get a salary increase each year [even if it is ridiculously small in comparison to the LEAP in salary people in other careers make]. I have a pension plan [who knows if NJ will have the $ in place by the time I retire].

I just feel like a sucker because I know other people in different jobs ...mainly tech jobs...who get paid astronomical amounts. They don't necessarily even have a degree in their field, let alone a Master's degree. I "get" that my Master's in Reading doesn't "seem" all too important in the spectrum of the real world. But my day-to-day role and impact on children should count for something. I shouldn't feel like I am struggling to make ends meet while some other person sits in his cozy office job and makes six figures.

People act like "anyone" can teach. They should try it. Maybe they'd change their minds.

Some days I go into work and I just feel like quitting teaching and getting some office job...not that I have qualifications for an actual good office job... I'd just be doing some data entry and be bored beyond description. But sometimes the thought of hiding behind grey cubicle walls is nice....

Then I catch Office Space on some lower grade cable channel and come to my senses.