I TRY not to be one of those girls who constantly exclaims, "I'm so fat! My thighs are gross! I disgust myself," but lately that's what I feel like. I'm not vocalizing those thoughts aloud but they are constantly crossing my mind. When I was HUGE in freshman year of college, those thoughts didnt really pass my mind. I knew I was big and unhealthy but that was basically all I had ever known myself as, so I didn't pay that much mind to it. Going to an all female college where your looks didnt really matter helped to make me less aware of my...girth.
After meeting John, I lost some weight...maybe 20 pounds at the most...but it made such a difference.
Now... I just feel big again. It's frustrating. I eat healthy stuff, for the most part...but have no control over serving sizes. I've "started" Weight Watchers countless times, but whenever I make a mistake and binge, I simply write off the regimen and go back to normal.
Now I'm at the point where I think I will join John's mom and go to the Weight Watchers meetings and fully "join." Honestly, I wish someone took calipers to me and was just like, "You're fat." I need something to motivate me.
I'm hoping that the weekly weigh-ins will somehow motivate me. The thing is...now I know what I "could be" and I want to be that....
Why is it that Europeans don't seem to have this problem? So many are tall, slender, and UNobsessed with food....
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Monday, May 05, 2008
FREE
"The stars were in alignment today," or however that saying goes. After work, I drove to drop off my final paper and then rushed back onto route 46... hopped onto 80W and cruised onto 287south...with no traffic whatsoever, despite the fact that it was 4:45 in the afternoon. Amazing.
Handing in the final paper just feels like such a weight has been lifted. It wasn't even that the paper was "that" much work; I worked on it in dribs and drabs; it wasn't like I completed it in one 10 hour cram session. Just having to hand it in though... I felt like May 5 would never arrive.
It's smooth sailing from here...wow...cliches abound this evening.
Wish I had some plans of debauchery, but can't say I do. Next step is to clean the apartment, which includes getting through the many mounds of laundry sitting all over the place.... have tons of DVDs by my bedside that are waiting to be watched.
It was a non-humid 75 degrees out today. The air in the evening is cool, but not torturous. The smell of freshly cut grass is a commonality. Class trips, assemblies, half-days and other time wasters are just around the corner...and PNC concert season is almost here. Things are good. :)
Handing in the final paper just feels like such a weight has been lifted. It wasn't even that the paper was "that" much work; I worked on it in dribs and drabs; it wasn't like I completed it in one 10 hour cram session. Just having to hand it in though... I felt like May 5 would never arrive.
It's smooth sailing from here...wow...cliches abound this evening.
Wish I had some plans of debauchery, but can't say I do. Next step is to clean the apartment, which includes getting through the many mounds of laundry sitting all over the place.... have tons of DVDs by my bedside that are waiting to be watched.
It was a non-humid 75 degrees out today. The air in the evening is cool, but not torturous. The smell of freshly cut grass is a commonality. Class trips, assemblies, half-days and other time wasters are just around the corner...and PNC concert season is almost here. Things are good. :)
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