Blimpie

I TRY not to be one of those girls who constantly exclaims, "I'm so fat! My thighs are gross! I disgust myself," but lately that's what I feel like. I'm not vocalizing those thoughts aloud but they are constantly crossing my mind. When I was HUGE in freshman year of college, those thoughts didnt really pass my mind. I knew I was big and unhealthy but that was basically all I had ever known myself as, so I didn't pay that much mind to it. Going to an all female college where your looks didnt really matter helped to make me less aware of my...girth.

After meeting John, I lost some weight...maybe 20 pounds at the most...but it made such a difference.

Now... I just feel big again. It's frustrating. I eat healthy stuff, for the most part...but have no control over serving sizes. I've "started" Weight Watchers countless times, but whenever I make a mistake and binge, I simply write off the regimen and go back to normal.

Now I'm at the point where I think I will join John's mom and go to the Weight Watchers meetings and fully "join." Honestly, I wish someone took calipers to me and was just like, "You're fat." I need something to motivate me.

I'm hoping that the weekly weigh-ins will somehow motivate me. The thing is...now I know what I "could be" and I want to be that....

Why is it that Europeans don't seem to have this problem? So many are tall, slender, and UNobsessed with food....