Reunion

Recently, I've been getting emails about my class reunion. No biggie---it was just an idea that was "up in the air." I didn't think it would ever come to fruition.

Today, I got an Evite for the reunion. Was hoping that it would be around the wedding or honeymoon and that I would have a legit excuse [for myself] to not go. However, it is at a convenient time which I could attend. I have mixed emotions.

Even though high school was fun and there was little responsibility, when I think of those years in detail, I actually realize that I detested them. I had really bad skin and was overweight; this made me incredibly insecure and shy. I was incredibly focused on academics and was very anxiety-ridden. That has since changed, thank goodness. Most of all, most of the people I came into contact with at my high school were asses.

So the thought of paying $ to spend an evening with them at a shit bar [classy, eh?], just does not sit well with me. Sure, I could go to the reunion and show how much better I am now---secure with myself, confident, blah blah blah. But why give those people that pleasure? Why should I care what they think?

Still--part of me thinks that if I don't show up, people will think I am some kind of loser and have no life, or that I am embarrassed at what I have made of myself.

Again, I really shouldn't care what they think. But I think this is a constant struggle we all feel---- that we say we "don't care" what others think---- but in many ways, we do. We wouldn't be human if we didn't care what others thought and didn't want to seek their validation.

On a positive note, I saw a brief glimpse of this "special" on Debbie Gibson. It made me think we should definitely play "Lost In Your Eyes" during the dinner hour at the wedding. Rock on.