Well, after hefting all our stuff into the new [to us...] house, it seems horrible to think about moving all it out. However, that's what I was doing tonight....thinking about moving it out, that is.
I feel down. I hate when I feel like this because it is significantly different from my "normal" cynical, pessimistic self. This "down" is just a feeling of emptiness...if other people with real problems and challenges [loss of job, terminal illnesses, lack of close relationships, family tragedies] heard me say I was down, they would look and me and mutter, "Fuck you."
Things aren't that bad...I realize that.
But driving to class tonight, I started getting upset....
Driving in Jersey is so ridiculous. The roads are so crowded and everyone is so incredibly rude. Driving onto Montclair's campus isn't much better. People cutting you off in traffic, etc. And the air of arrogance that most people walk around with... it's uncanny.
When I walk into class, it's 32 girls chattering on and on. It sounds like loud, indistinct sounds merged together. Kind of reminds me of the "teacher voice" used on Charlie Brown. And I know we're all sitting there, listening intently, thinking about our soon-to-be-received Master's degrees. Some people sit there and you can tell they think highly of themselves...not the "I have a good level of confidence" amount...but just the "I am superior" amount. Meanwhile, I sit there, thinking, "I don't know shit about what my degree is and feel ill-prepared to walk out of this place and call myself a reading specialist....".... so I probably won't.
I just wonder if things would be easier if I packed my shit and moved somewhere less expensive...and less crowded.
They say "grass is always greener on the other side"---in this case, it might actually be true.
No comments:
Post a Comment