Death fairy is officially dead

I bought my Halloween costume a few weeks ago..."death fairy." It's made by a company called "Fairylicious." Lame! The costume has this black, "pleather"ish top, velvety purple skirt, and black wings. I also purchased the matching death tiara, black eyelashes, and fishnets. It's kind of cheesy but I thought it'd be fun.

I tried the costume on... damn, online purchases!...The costume looks bad. Others might think it looks ok but there's no way I can walk around the city, or anyplace else, and feel comfy with myself. It's too late to return it and I think that's dumb anyway...it was on sale and I CAN wear it next year...if I lose weight.

This is the mantra that I often say. I don't get why food has such a hold on me. It's not even that I eat that badly. I just eat large portions. It's ritualistic. I go the cabinet, get some almonds or other seemingly healthy snack. I get a small portion and then close the bag/container lid. 1 minute later I go back to the kitchen, go into the cabinet, and do the same process again.

I got fake nails last month and have not bitten my nails since. Maybe I need one of those Hannibal Lector face masks to prevent myself from eating.

I get so mad with myself. I don't think I am that heavy but then I try on something that looks "gigantic," and it fits me snugly. Then I feel like garbage.

My excuse right now is classes. I am taking a grad class and FINALLY am completing the coursework. I am busy. I am not one of those people who thrives on busy-ness. I can have crazy, psychotically busy days for 2 or 3 days, but not routinely. I don't understand people who can live their lives, full time, like that. Things should be balanced. I think of Jack Nicholson in The Shining...when he types "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."

Had my fun this weekend...movies/dinner on Friday with John. Darjeeling Limited sucked. I fell asleep. It was so slow. Good use of color and awesome soundtrack though. Fuddruckers' hamburgers rock! Saturday was a comedy show in the city. Took the bus there all by myself and met Lisa there. Felt like it was a rite of passage because the idea of traveling to the city alone freaks me out.

Now is time for work...and stopping with the petty whining over some dumb Halloween costume.

I've taken out last year's pirate costume from my closet. Think I'll have some corpse-like makeup and be a dead pirate... someone's got to counterbalance all the girls out there who will be dressed up as slut bumblebees, nurses, Maria Antoinette, referees, beergirls, and who knows what else.