Saturday, February 18, 2012

Nervousness Symptoms

It's interesting how the body physically reacts to nervousness. For me, just like for everyone else, there are two types of nervousness. There's anticipation-related nervousness, that kind of nervousness when you're meeting someone new or taking a risk and doing something new. There's conventional nervousness, associated with fear of failure.

I got observed by my principal on Friday. Although I've been observed plenty of times since I have started teaching, the whole experience still makes me nervous. My mouth begins drying up and it's hard to get words out; I start to internally worry that every morsel of language that I am speaking is being analyzed. I try to be conscious of filler-words such as "like," "um," or "okay," but probably say them anyway because I am so nervous.

The second kind of nervousness is the fun nervousness...hands gently shaking, head bobbing up and down amidst affirmative self-talk, tapping of the feet... I recently read some of my poetry aloud and could feel the nervousness symptoms appearing. When I first spoke, my voice slightly quivered. After a few lines, I could feel the quivering lessen.

I don't experience that second type of nervousness too often nowadays but, when I do, I revel in it. It's miserable and wonderful at the same time. Nervousness is hard to navigate or control, which is probably what I simultaneously love and loathe about it.


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