So, lately, I've been going through my day to day eating regimen with this mindset: Fuck, you gained weight between mid-December and now...you're about 20 pounds from where you see your "healthy weight"...fuck, why not just go for the gusto and completely indulge in whatever you want???
I do recognize that my mindset is a very self-destructive one.
Since New Year's, like the rest of the American population, I have tried to have self-control. I can manage for most of the day, but then there are little indulgences that creep their way into my day...and i gorge. Working at the library yesterday, I had tons of cookies. Certain evenings this week have featured me taking triple trips to the fridge to slice segments of fruit cake, a very sugary, caloric, and fattening treat.
Now to Sunday. It's beyond indulging at this point. I feel disgusting. I feel unattractive. I feel too lazy and unenergized to have sex. This is a bad place to be.
I can say that I have a weight loss goal, in terms of pounds and ideal weight. Rather though, I'd like to have the goal of fitting into my green silk shirt in time for St. Patrick's Day. This was the shirt I wore to my bachelorette party and it makes me feel kickass sexy:)
So...in the words of Nina Simone..."it's a new dawn, it's a new day, and I'm feelin' fine."
I do think I will have to throw the rest of the fruit cake in the trash though..... :(
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