Old habits die hard...

"Old habits die hard"- I like that phrase...it's semi-overused so maybe it's considered a cliche...I'm not sure...but I like it!

Just got back from Ocean City..am remembering back to this past week...I'd sit out on the balcony in a beachchair, simultaneously reading a book and peoplewatching. Made a little oath to myself that when I got back here, I'd try to sit outside more and stay away from TV and the computer... and look at where I am, about 2 hours after I got home... oh well...

Read some wonderful "chick lit" on vacation...Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner [yes, we were all immature and making fun of the author's last name] and Smart Women by Judy Blume. Judy Blume hasn't written that many books for adults, but I love her "adult books." John makes fun of me... :-)

Am REALLY looking forward to this summer... I'm only 9 days into summer vacation and feel like I've accomplished a lot...of...relaxation. My summer class starts on 7/9 and I am looking forward to it...although the M/T/W/H 5-7pm schedule is ridiculous... what genius came up with that time slot? I plan on being a lunatic and leaving my apartment around 3ish everyday...will stop at Barnes and Noble and read for awhile before class... I can't deal with route 46 traffic...

On a different note, I hope that during this summer I NEVER have to hear the music melange that I heard on the beach the other day---Bruce Springsteen AND Sublime...I get the reason for Springsteen tunes--- NJ, man! And I get the reason for listening to Sublime on the beach--- very laidback and poseur-reggae...but... both honestly suck.

I wouldn't mind hearing someone sing Boyz to Men aloud though...classic clip...poor Mom...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j97V-aMjeTk

"South Jersey" Adventures...

I find it humorous how such a small state like NJ could attract native residents to vacation spots. North Jerseyans act like anything below exit 100 on the parkway is a different country. In a way, it is... the whole boardwalk "culture," an abundance of CHEAP thrift shops, signs for activities like paintballing and racecar tracks, Confederate flags AS window coverings, ...

We've been down in Ocean City for the past few days...will be here until Saturday. Our rental house is literally in walking distance to the beach. I can easily imagine myself going to the beach daiy: basking in the sun for most of the time, reading a lot, and occasionally hopping into the water for refreshment. And the abundance of awesome boardwalk food... undescribeable... John and I have already made an oath to start South Beach upon our return "up north."

Tonight I went to A.C. and gambled for the first real time. I previously had done the slot machines but they provide no amusement. You lose your money fast [and you ALWAYS lose] and there's no sense of control in the game. You press buttons, the machine determines when it will stop, and if you're lucky, you win 25 cents.

We played BlackJack tonight... Floyd was our dealer... I was a bit wary of him...there were only 3 of us at the table and he was making "small talk." It just felt weird...because I knew that, inevitably, we'd be losing money to this guy.

John lost his "gambling money" within about 10 minutes... my heart was racing as fast as it ever has. I can see how people get a rush from gambling. Even when you're losing, you keep betting more chips, thinking that somehow you'll be lucky the next round, the adrenaline increasing and increasing.

When I played, there was this old man at our table. He said he was down at the tables because he couldn't sleep and had nothing else to do. He had bloodshot eyes and looked completely out of it, but looked endearing at the same time.

Ended up losing 25 of the 100 I started out with...I didn't quite "get" the us-against-dealer concept and said "hit me" when I had 13 and the dealer was showing a 5...or something like that. It all ended up okay but apparently you're supposed to play the game like you're all in it together, against the dealer. I think that's dumb--- everyone is an individual player, right? I even mentioned capitalism to the other player, the old man... every man for himself. Luckily, I think he was humored.

So...we technically came back from A.C. as losers... but it was definitely fun... makes me have bigger interest in visiting Vegas...John and I had always wanted to go to see the shows out there, but now I think I'd have a slight interest in the gambling too...

John's cousin was laughing at my "cheapness" (I like to call it frugality...)-- no matter WHAT, I would not double down during my card deals...

Next time I go to A.C., I'd like to dress like a hip, younger version of an old lady in A.C. --- flashy colors and all, a little gold lame (accent mark above the "e") here and there...

Poetry ...at last

A co-worker and I were bitching about teaching the other day. Actually, I guess I was bitching about it and she was listening and just keeping a straight face and nodding "Uh huh, uh huh," the whole time. I was saying how I used to write all the time, mostly poetry although I did write some really short narrative pieces. It basically comes down to this: my job (and students!) have sucked the creativity out of my brain. Seriously, one of those little bastards from my first year of teaching is now walking around with my creativity in their mind... well, maybe not.

We can say, "Make time if it's important," "Make time for yourself," blah blah blah. But it doesn't happen all too often...at least not with me.

The other night, after the whole bacon/food frenzy fiasco, I fell asleep for 3+ hours. This led to me being wide AWAKE at midnight and after. I actually wrote a "pome" [I hate when people pronounce it like that]. It's kind of teen angsty, but I'm proud of myself. Still could use some editing.

My eyes used to be bright,
Wide open like a child.
Contemplative repose
mixed with excitement.
Hundreds of blue flecks
collided together
and exploded
into vivid orbs.
There was celebration in my eyes.

Now the bright blue
has been splashed with a milky gray,
disappointment casting a shadow.

I sometimes purposely
try to open my eyes wide.
If I look as if I feel wonder,
then maybe I will.

You can only try so many times,
to widen something
that has undoubtedly been closed.

I pigged out...ah, I feel good.

Work sucked today! I feel like having a drill put into my head and having all the brain matter taken out. Then, I could walk around in a catatonic state and have nothing bother me. There was a character in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest that was like that. Yeah, I want to be like him.

The students are just not "into" working. 6th and 7th graders aren't too bad but my 8th graders are lazier than ever. No matter what I try to do to make lessons "engaging" or "meaningful," they just do nothing. The only way they shut up is if I have classtime where they passively sit, and I read aloud. Yay for read alouds. But then it is literally me doing all the work...which is, I guess why they like it so much.

Seriously though, I had the biggest headache at work today. I have to keep biting my tongue to keep all my nasty, mean thoughts inside.

Got home from work today and gorged... one of those weird stress-filled eating frenzies where you have the oddest combo of foods: 2 nectarines, 1 orange, 6 pieces of bacon, almonds and miscellaneous "fruit mix," and cheese. Not the best snack, but it turned out being dinner so I guess that's ok. I fell asleep for 4 straight hours.

I just want the schoolyear to end so I can enjoy my time because, at this point, the time we have left is just pointless. 10 more days, two of them 1/2 days. In the meantime, maybe I'll research into that brain drilling phenomenon. I saw them do something like that on House last night.

Nature! Goulet....

Even off of the main highway of Route 46, nature can be found. I was incredibly lazy today. Previous plans for today were pretty "lite" to begin with: go the gym, go to the mall (looking for summer "hippieish" shirts-- paisley prints and all that jazz), and buy lightbulbs. Not too difficult. Well, I sat around all day. Watched Green Street Hooligans, which was actually pretty good--- although Elijah Wood annoys me. He has looked the same since he was in that Mel Gibson movie where Gibson goes into the future, or something like that. I find Elijah Wood to be kind of wimpy.

Anyway, at 9:00, I finally ventured out. Was taking the trash to the apartment's garbage "area" and caught a quick glimpse of a skunk. There was no way I was going near the garbage cans. Left my trash bags near the parking lot, with the intention of throwing them out when I got back from the store. That was nature sighting #1.

Nature sighting #2 was on my way to turn onto route 46. Caught a glimpse of a deer, staring straight ahead into my headlights.

Bought lightbulbs, check.

Nature sighting #3: When I got back, I went over to the trash bags that I still needed to deposit in the official trash area. A raccoon popped out from amongst the bags. Guess there was some good stuff in the bags because he had burrowed his way through the bags and garbage was all over.

It's kind of funny, actually. Tonight it is raining like crazy...and all these animals are out. I can almost imagine all of them convening in the woods: "Okay, there's bad weather all around. The humans will be staying inside all evening. It's party time for us! Go! Rummage through garbage, gather with friends, let's take back the night!"

Brilliant....

Haven't totally sifted through this blog, but the title says enough to ignite my curiosity: "Rate Your Students." It doesn't have "real names" or anything like that. We're teachers; not idiots. Looks like it has amusing anecdotes about common excuses students give and common annoying things they do. Case in point: emailing a paper/essay topic to you 2 weeks after it's due. I can relate. My students had a Powerpoint due 2 weeks ago (I think it was 2 weeks ago---I've lost count)-- this weekend one of my students emailed me, "Yeah, I'll email the Powerpoint this weekend." As IF it was due this coming Monday or something. I don't get it...how they could be so lackadaisical and irresponsible... I don't remember kids being like that when I was a kid...but then again, I was a "good student."

Check it out:
http://rateyourstudents.blogspot.com/

Kids!!!

It's the night before progress reports are due. I think it's a waste of time to have 130 progress reports ready when things always turn out the same each marking period. The same kids get As and do stellar work; the same kids get low grades and comments like "Needs to improve homework completion in order to boost grade; I know your son/daughter is capable...blah blah blah." I have yet to remember a case when a student made a miraculous changeover from bad student to amazing student.

Was reading my 8th graders' journals and HAD to laugh. I post writing prompts and they do 5 minutes of sustained writing. One of the prompts one day was something along the lines of "Putting my foot in my mouth..." Reading through the journals now, TWO students wrote about how they can't put their foot in their mouth because they're not flexible enough. One student said, "That's totally gross anyway" and the other one commented, "I think it's weird and not attractive."

It's times like this that I have to laugh. They're such little smartasses in class but SOOOO basic otherwise.

Another student wrote about our school's "cruel" administration and how when he goes to prep school next year the administration will actually care. Guess that's what money will buy you....

I am not counting down to the end of the schoolyear yet (or at least I am trying not to). After Memorial Day, I feel like we'll be "home free." Until then, I'll continue to say the AA creed..."one day at a time."

"Going the Distance"

I feel like a giddy kid--- keeping track of how many days of the schoolyear are left. There's 42 total days... that includes weekends and all... only 32 "school days" left. I keep looking @ the end-of-year calender, taking note of all of the upcoming activities. Every minute counts!!

I want to make an oath to myself to make this summer one of the best ones (um, again, another thing a giddy kid would say: "This summer's going to rule, man!!"). Seriously though, each summer I work PART-PART-time at the library. In my mind, I always plan excursions, beach days, etc. Then none of those things happen. I have to stop being afraid...and stop being lazy too. Make time for mini-excursions, even if I am going alone. My big fear is going into the city alone. I'd love to go to the Guggenheim or MOMA or something...but have no idea how to go about it. All I know how to do is take the train to Penn Station...that's it. Have to learn more. And have to think positive... "Most" people on this earth are good. Why do I allow my mind to conjure up images of me getting robbed, mugged, etc? The media, argh...

Ok, pre-summer goal... same goal as past few months... I want to try to lose a few pounds...I know EVERYONE says that. My goal is NOT a bathing suit goal-- even if I was a "skinny mini" (the term my Grandma used to use in regard to my "skinny mini" sister), I'd be pretty covered up on the beach. Bathing suits freak me out...bikinis even moreso. It's like wearing a bra and underwear on the beach. Guess I wouldn't fare too well on one of those hip, nude European beaches. Oh well, Sleazside here I come instead:)

No-- my weight loss goal is simple. I want to get into those tacky, "shredded" denim shorts from 4 or 5 summers ago. I think they will be perfect for PNC tailgating excursions. To fit into them, hmm, it can't be that hard. In college, I went from 180 to 155... I'm 10 pounds past 155...but damn, those last 10 pounds are always the hardest....

Self-control, self-control, self-control....

Fox Sports Grill + Girlie Music

I don't like to exclusively classify things according to gender, but Fox Sports Grill seriously has girlish music that they play. LAME girlish music. We went to Palisades Park Mall yesterday---feels like we go there far too often, but it's only 40 minutes away and has so much stuff in it! Being that it was a Saturday night, the whole earth was waiting on line at all of the restaurants.

We decided to go to the Sports Grill place. They have this room where you can wait in---there's a fireplace going and a HUGE TV with a sports game playing. We went into the room to wait for our seats and suddenly I heard Heart's "All I wanna do is make love to you." This song has amusing significance for me---in elementary school we used to place this music game all the time... The music teacher would split the class into two teams. Each team would be given a word and the first team to come up with a song title including that word + artist would get a point. Once we were playing and the word was "love." As a kid, I listened like crazy to the radio. This is before CD players and downloading music so sometimes I'd sit there and WAIT and WAIT for a new favorite song to come on---Immediately, I'd press record when I heard the song's opening and then I'd tape it.

Anyway, I knew that there was a Heart song with "love" in it. I said I wasn't sure if my answer was appropriate so the teacher told me to whisper the title in her ear... which, in retrospect, is even creepier. Can't remember if my team got the point or not.

Anyway, it was hilarious. There were all these guys watching this baseball game, intensely, and in the background there was this cheesy Heart song playing. I jokingly was singing along to it... still know all the words. No one seemed to notice.

The experience got weirder as we were seated for our meal. Within the timespan of our meal, we heard: a Jon Secada song, Mariah Carey's version of "I'll Be There," "Free Your Mind" by En Vogue!!!, that cheesy Cardigans' one hit wonder "Lovefool," "Standing Outside a Broken Phonebooth..." by Primitive Radio Gods, and Salt n Peppa's "Let's Talk About Sex." No one else seemed to notice the music. I don't know what's weirder---the fact that I know the title/artist of all those songs OR the fact that all of them were playing in a "sports themed" restaurant.

Nope, they're definitely weirder than me...

Smell of Rain

I walked out of the school building today and could smell it in the air----rain. For some reason, I love the smell of the air right before it rains. It's the smell of damp asphalt combined with the impending rain---so I guess if I lived in an ultra rural place, I wouldn't necessarily get the same "high" before it rains.

Dribs and drabs of rain hit my windshield on the way home...nothing too monumental.

While turning into the parking lot of the apartment complex, I saw some of the cherryblossoms slowly drifting down from the trees. At least I think they're cherryblossoms.

At this time of year, I purposely park under the trees so that when I drive off and leave for work in the morning, petals quickly fly off my windshield.

This kind of weather actually makes me smile.

Paper Pet Peeves

I've always been a searcher--- I love tracking down obscure book titles; I love reading references made in other books and learning extra information; I like the whole process of research.

For weeks, I've had tons of journal articles and books at my disposal. I can't complain too much about the messiness of the apartment because right now our bedroom looks like a library...moreso than usual. There's piles all over-- journal artices, MSU books, public library books, & comic books. Whenever I write a paper, I always feel the need to have TONS of resources, half of which I don't even end up using. Better to have more info, than less---that's my theory.

I'm @ the library now. I'm annoyed. It took me about 2 1/2 hours to write a measly 3 pages! And of course, I put myself into a quandary. Found another journal article that I "must have" and can't find the full text version online. Guess I could purchase it but I'd rather just drive to a library and get the publication off of their shelves.

I guess I haven't waited until the very last minute, but to me, this is close enough. Don't know why I do this to myself. I guess if people understood why they procrastinated, then they would no longer procrastinate.

Funny thing is I just got an email from a student. She "forgot" to bring her vocab assignment sheet home and even though I gave her class a week for the assignment, she said she waits until the last minute because she does better that way. She wants an extension... one extra day. I guess in my moment of procrastination, I feel sympathy for her... "I can relate."

Anyway, the paper's coming along fine and all... How's everyone else doing?

Thoughts on the course

At first, when I found out this class was going to be hybrid/online, I wasn't looking forward to it all that much. It's not that I am anti-tech or anything, but I do enjoy the whole classroom experience quite a bit---talking face and face with intelligent adults---a delightful contrast to my workweek full of middle schoolers. I've also always been leery of online classes--- I've known people that have gotten their entire degrees online and the whole thing just seems like a sham. In comparison to my grad classes, it didn't seem like they had as much work.

Anyway, the class turned out to be an excellent experience. In retrospect, coming to MSU's campus every Saturday morning would have been annoying. The fact that we could do a lot of the work @ our own convenience was good. I found comfort in the fact that others would post for the week at late times at night. The online experience was great b/c there was constant feedback and interaction. I liked reading the blogs of our class members--whether the blog entries connected to in-class readings, free time activities, or just pet peeves about students. The discussion board also worked well and helped clarify some things that we were studying. With the discussion board, you could go back every other day or so and see the new additions and thoughts on class readings. If something was confusing, the Discussion Board was a resource; it was also easy to email class members and/or Dr. Dana for feedback.

Since our class was about new literacies, I liked how new literacies were incorporated into our course readings. In Adolescent Lit [last summer], I had Dr. D and we had to read Understanding Comics in there too. Um, I never got through the whole thing:( This semester I tried again and got through the whole book. McCloud takes so many complex ideas and really makes them user-friendly. I think I'd even go back sometime and try to reread it; while he simplifies things quite a bit, I still don't have all of the book's concepts "downpat." I have some other McCloud books that I might read after the course too. The Web 2.0 YouTube clip was also helpful in understanding class material and was a good break from some of the more difficult readings.

One of the biggest mindset changes in me throughout this semester was in regard to video games and online gaming. I've always known there is learning potential in video games (i.e. critical thinking skills, creativity, etc) but I honestly have always thought that they would ultimately lead to people being anti-social. After reading the article "Children Online," from this semester's readings, I did change my mind about video games. I can see how they can incorporate social networking and how users can form mini-communities, in connection to their online games.

This course also came right in time because I recently got a Smartboard and laptops in my classroom. For months before the spring semester, that Smartboard stood in front of my room, not turned on or connected. As soon as this course started, I found myself more open-minded in regard to tech in the classroom. I've started using it and have incorporated UnitedStreaming videos and music/poetry activities into my classroom. I've had the students use the laptops to create presentations too. Previously, I guess I was "scared" they would go to inappropriate sites or something, even though I'd give them assigned sites to go to. I know have realized I just have to "go with the flow;" if they make the choice to go somewhere inappropriate, then I deal out the consequences, just like usual.

I could see myself using the Comic Life software with my students. I think they'd have a lot of fun with it.

I'd like to use blogging with my students in the near future. I think it'd work great with novel units. Students tend to detest comprehension question sheets, but if I don't hand them out, then some students don't read. If the students had to blog in response to the chapters, it would be more meaningful and since the blog posts would be individual, you'd lessen the chance of kids "copying" from one another.

Overall, this class has been a positive experience.
[I know that's a pretty lame ending sentence, but it's just been "one of those weeks."

"Whoever you give attention to is who you give power to"

The subject line is paraphrasing from one of the things that Craig Scott said on today's episode of Oprah. He was making the point that in response to the VA Tech incident, the media has to focus its attention on the victims and the type of people they were. The news stations keep focusing on the shooter and "warning signs," "what could've been done," etc. While that is certainly important, too much focus on Cho Seung-Hui is wrong. That's probably what he would have wanted. Focusing on the shooter also might make other psychologically unsound students want to "be like" Seung-Hui and copy his actions. There have been Columbine copycat attempts and I worry that the media attention on the shooter might bring about more copycat incidents.

The strangeness of it all is that what happened @ Virginia Tech was fucked up, but not totally unsurprising. Yesterday John asked me, "Can you believe this happened?" and I immediately answered, "Yes. " The media does nothing but focus on every facet of violence. Even with the VA Tech shooting---some of the first facts mentioned were that it was now the "biggest school massacre" in history. Even use of the word massacre seems to sensationalize the event. Tragedy is a more accurate word and focuses on the seriousness of the issue. We talk about the psychological instability of the shooter, but not until it is too late and senseless deaths have occurred.

Craig Scott went to Columbine HS and his sister, Rachel, was one of the fatal victims of the 1999 school shooting. He now travels across the country and speaks about the topic of school violence. The website www.rachelschallenge.com is devoted to the cause of preventing school violence.

I'll end this blog entry with some of Craig's words that he spoke in an October 2006 speech. I think they're wise words to consider:

"I've grown up in a culture today that doesn't teach me anything of substance, of value, how it bombards me every day with messages of emptiness and shallowness. And the youth are crying for something to stand for, something to believe in. If it weren't for ……..my family, I possibly could have fallen into the lies that our culture tells us. But now I've traveled, I've spoken to over a million teens across this country. I've not always liked what I've seen in the schools. I've seen depression, anger and loneliness, students without direction or purpose. I've seen students who called themselves cutters, have cut themselves because that's the way they know to take out the pain that they're dealing with. I've learned a lot about my generation. And I've learned a lot since I lost my friends and my sister. And the main thing I've learned is that kindness and compassion can be the biggest antidotes to anger and hatred, and I believe the biggest antidotes to violence.

With the program my father started called, Rachel's Challenge……. we've seen bullying stopped, suicides aborted..How have we done it? We've done it with a simple story of a young girl who believed in compassion……. That was the story of Rachel Joy Scott. But my sister is not the only one who believes in kindness, and she's not been the only one in her brave stance against the injustice willing to stand up for the one who gets put down in school, to sit by the student that sits all alone at lunch, and to talk to or reach out to the one who is consistently ignored or made fun of. She literally has inspired millions of people to continue the chain reaction she started. A lot of those are students across the country.

I've read Eric Harris and Dylan Kleibold's journals that were recently released, and basically Eric wrote in one of his journals, "If only you were nicer to me, maybe this wouldn't have happened."
I don't know who else is tired of band-aid answers, but I know band-aids aren't going to save kids from dying. I give every student out there a challenge my sister put down on paper a month before she died when she wrote for her class -- she said, "I have this theory that if one person can go out of their way to show compassion, it will start a chain reaction of the same. People will never know how far a little kindness can go." "

Spring Break, 2007, woo-hoo!

I can't believe that spring break is over already. Tomorrow is the start of marking period 4. I'm thinking of making some kind of countdown "structure" and hiding it behind my desk---you can't let the kids know you're that excited about the end of the schoolyear---gotta "play it cool."

I hate to be self-indulgent and write one of those "all about my vacation" blogs but, hey, blogs are pretty self-indulgent to begin with. So here we go: highlights from spring break, 2007--- 4 days spent in the lovely West Coast Florida town of Weeki Wachee....and we didnt visit the beach even once... still had fun though.

***Seeing a Dali exhibit in St. Petersburg--- we went along on a guided tour for awhile but soon left the docent behind. I don't need to know EVERY detail of Dali's life. In one painting, there is a double-image of two girls and Voltaire's head. I made the mistake of saying I didn't see the Voltaire image and the docent tried to guide me through it. She then asked, "See it now?" and I replied, "I feel a bit under pressure being in front of like 50 people. I'll look later." :)

***Canoeing! We went canoeing on a small river in Homosassa Springs. We decided to be adventurous and canoe in the "wilder" part of the river. We canoed to a pub and grille. When we docked our canoe, the looks on the pub's patrons was priceless! Ended up talking to some older gents who smugly made fun of us with every "NJ Girls" joke known to exist. Also-- on our canoe adventure, we passed this small plot of land that had monkeys on it--seriously! I also got painful sunburn---on my arms only---the stupidest looking sunburn I've ever had in my life.

***Going to Busch Gardens... You can buy this fun card thing for the same price as you'd pay for regular admission--- so we bought it. Then when you enter the park, if you have the fun card, they scan your fingerprint. I think Busch Gardens is linked to the CIA or something.

***Karaoking at the Pickled Parrot Bar. The stage had this sequined curtain behind it. It was kind of strip-bar-esque. Sang Hilary Duff with all my heart. Some older German guy bought us drinks and then proceeded to growl at Krystal and Jaime. Guess I'm not cute enough to get growled at---and I'm grateful. A poor man's version of Matthew McConanaghey also talked to us for a bit. There's something about a guy with a Southern accent--I kind of like it.

***Getting BBQ sauce confiscated at the airport---ridiculous! I bought this Anheuser-Busch bbq sauce for John's dad. It has beer in it! Since the new policy at the airport is no liquids or gels in carry-on luggage, they took it away. I was so pissed. But it makes for a good story.

Good times.

Pro-Ana/Pro-Mia, etc.

Fox 5 had a story on last night's news about eating disorders and websites that seem to be promoting anorexia and bulimia as certain "lifestyles." Because they didn't want to "encourage" any of their viewers to seek out the website, the news channel specifically stated it was not going to share any specific websites with the audience.

Well, people aren't idiots and can use Google quite easily. Even if you are an idiot, when you search through Google, the site does spellcheck for your search terms, etc.

I was curious about these sites and tracked some of them down tonight. The movements are called Pro-Ana and Pro-Mia, anorexia and bulimia, respectively. It's crazy- on the Pro-Ana site, there's all these daily testimonials from girls [didn't see any from guys] about low calorie consumption, taking speed, etc. One girl was proud of her accomplishment today: 1oo calories consumed. It's crazy. Pro-Mia websites were similar, but Pro-Ana sites seemed more abundant on the web.

I can't imagine obsessing over food like that so much... I mean, I tend to be an "emotional eater" and sometimes tend to overeat...but I can't imagine having food totally be such a focus point of my life. Sometimes I feel like I am borderline compulsive eater, but for the most part, I eat what I should. If I binge, it usually is when I am alone though---which I know is bad. Tonight I wanted a little "treat" of trail mix--I know that "trail mix" is not legitimately healthy when it contains M&Ms and other sweets like this specific mix did. I wanted a little bit-- I finished the bag. I don't get why those type of things happen or why I do them.

I wonder why eating disorders are so abundant in today's society--- I mean, there's a myriad of reasons and it certainly is a complex issue---I just don't know if I completely "get it." When can we be happy with ourselves? It's not an easy question to answer at all.... I was very large in high school, lost weight in college, and have recently gained a little weight back. It's frustrating. It's just food and it's just there to keep us alive and give us nutrition---but why is it such a huge facet of so many of our lives???

Arghs Galore

I need to run outside and scream "Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!" at the top of my lungs. I need to jog on the ground and pound my feet so hard on the pavement that there is a rhythmic booming sound. Throwing a few glasses and shattering them might feel pretty good now too.

This week has been crazy. Students have been off the wall and I have felt like this dazed person, just walking through this haze of craziness. Sometimes I feel so tired and strained from work that I don't react appropriately to misbehavior. I hate feeling out of energy that much. On Monday, I MUST kick one of those 8th grade bastards out of class. It's mainly two boys who are driving me crazy. They are rude and don't listen, despite being given TONS of chances. And that's my problem... I give chances, I make threats, and then I don't follow through. But Monday, someone has to leave. I don't know why I wait so long to kick someone out of class.

After work, I chaperoned the 6th grade social. Kids were running around like crazy. It's such a surreal experience too. The DJ was playing songs that I knew and liked...yet, I'm standing in the middle of the gym, "chaperoning." It's weird to see kids singing along to songs like "Since You've Been Gone." They huddle in groups and sing the song with such conviction---yet they're 12 years old. What heartbreak have they felt? They sing along to "1985"--a song about a housewife who misses the excitement of her previous years. These kids sing along with it, not realizing what the song is really about. And granted, it's just some stupid pop song...but I think seriously about stuff like that.

Tonight I'm meeting up for dinner with a friend. Tomorrow is poetry workshop. Not too exciting of a weekend. Can't wait for spring break.... I need to do SOMETHING, to be away from work and from kids. It's almost here...

Networking, 2007

Because of technology, social networking has completely changed. Ideas can spread so much faster through the use of email, websites, and social networking sites. It's as simple as copying and pasting text, forwarding an email, or saving/sending an image. Even those who are not completely tech-knowledgeable can participate in the process with little difficulty. Through use of search engines like Yahoo and Google, users can find online tutorials and learn more about technology.

Social networking makes me think of the phrase, "It's not what you know, but who you know." In the Wikipedia entry for this week, the entry states: "...power within organizations often comes more from the degree to which an individual within a network is @ the center of many relationships than actual job title." This idea also connects with how ideas can spread so quickly through the use of technology. For example, with Myspace--- if someone has a small circle of friends and forwards something to them, the forwarded idea/concept may have little effect. If the same user has many people on their friends list from many "walks of life" and from many different places, the ideas will spread easier because they are being transmitted to a wide range of users.

Due to this quick spreading of ideas, there are definite implications for teaching and learning. The one that concerns me most is this: since ideas can spead so quickly online, I get concerned about students who may see incorrect information about particular news or social issues. If one student "spreads" this idea to another and then so on, wrong information will be embedded in their minds. I know, for instance, there are websites out there that claim the Holocaust didn't happen. There's websites that make other ludicrous historical claims too. Because of the quick spreading of ideas through social networks (online), there are huge educational implications. As teachers, we have to teach students how to judge the validity of a site and how to properly search online for academic material.

renderings of Hopkin Green frog...hehe

If you go to http://www.lostfrog.org/index2.html and click on the main site image, it will constantly change into different "interpretations" of lost frog "fliers." Very funny. The site is worth a view....A few examples:






And my personal favorite...

"His Name is Hopkin Green Frog"

I am fascinated by what happens in others' worlds, even if those "others" are strangers. I love finding old grocery lists in the shopping cart that I choose @ the supermarket; I like finding middle schoolers' misplaced notes on the dirt-caked hallways of school; and I like finding past readers' notes in books that I check out from the library. I love book collections like David Rothbart's Found and Frank Warren's PostSecret.

In short, the Hopkin Green Frog story goes like this: Someone in Seattle posted a "lost frog" flier," even featuring an address! This occurred in Sept, 2003. In the end, it turned out that the lost frog was a stuffed toy and that its owner was an autistic teen.

I can see how Hopkin Green Frog spread across the Internet so easily. First off, the flier looks so innocent with its' hand-drawn frog and incorrect grammar/punctuation. It reels you in because you think of a little kid losing a pet, stuffed animal, ...anything. You don't know if the lost frog is a stuffed animal or actual frog...both scenarios seem absurd: posting fliers for a stuff animal vs. having a frog as a pet...

When I Googled hopkin green frog (no quotation marks), I got about 34,000 hits. When I then Googled lost frog (again, no quotation marks), I got over 1,500,000 hits. There's links to Mike Whybark's blog entry, "Hopkins Explained."

I guess the reason why this whole "thing" caught on was because it did fit into Dawkins' 3 characteristics for a successful meme. Without getting too crazily detailed:

"Fidelity, fecundity, and longevity": The lost frog flier was easy to copy (either xeroxing or saving the digital image and forwarding it to people)-- the information on the flier was simple to read, so the ideas would easily stay within the reader's/viewer's mind. Also, the wording was especially memorable, making for easy copying/spreading: "Him name is Hopkin Green Frog." It is particularly catchy --almost could sound like the name of some obscure band trying to be hip or ironic or something.

Additionally, the "lost frog" meme caught on even more when people started blogging about it. Individuals created domains like lostfrog.org and through the postings on a site called Metafilter, a user researched and concluded that Hopkin Green frog was a toy offered in a Mcdonald's Happy Meal. The whole Happy Meal connection makes the story even more hilarious--- this kid was posting fliers for some dumb Happy Meal toy? Furthermore, the Hopkin Green frog flier/concept lends itself to longevity. There are so many plays on the wording of the flier. It's easy to poke fun at too: "Hopkin Green Frog: Him pretty existential cool..." & "Hopkin Green Frog is the Holy Grail, the Fountain of Youth, the Luminiferous Ether, the Buddha on the Road..." (both from http://www.metafilter.com/43185/him-name-is-hopkin-green-frog-
this blog entry is from June of 2005; another member of the Metafilter community pokes fun @ this blog post, saying how the hopkin Green frog "thing" has been posted about 2x already---he must be a "cool hunter" and get mad when people regurgitate ideas that have already been on various websites/online communities before).

Another Metafilter member says he wouldn't be surprised if there were some lost frog flier tshirts surfacing out there. It wouldn't surprise me either!

I had never heard of Hopkin Green frog or this lost frog flier before. John hadn't either. Are we "uncool"?

Youtube thoughts

I discovered Youtube awhile back. John wanted me to see this video of a band playing "Total Eclipse of the Heart" on kitchen untensils and applicances! He didn't know the band's name but simply typed the song name into YouTube and we found the video quite easily.

I think Youtube is fascinating. I don't really use the website on a regular basis though. Even going to it right now and poking around, nothing interests me that much on the site to spend too much time there. Most of the videos are just random people (that's the point) but the videos aren't particularly entertaining.

The site is pretty easy to search. Case in point: last night on American Idol, during Sanjaya's performance, the camera zoomed in numerous times on a little girl who was crying in the audience...actually crying tears of joy, I think. Sanjaya has fans?!? The footage of the crying little girl lasted for about 30 seconds, inconsecutive seconds, but still a lot of camera time for some random audience member. I said to John, "I guarantee that footage will be on Youtube like crazy tomorrow." I just went to the site and searched with the term "american idol girl crying" and a few videos instantly popped up with the footage I was looking for.

Generally, I only use Youtube if I am feeling nostalgic...it's easy to find clips of TV shows from the 80s. One evening John and I must have played the Mr. Belvedere themesong (and sang along) 30x. Our downstairs neighbors must have loved that!

The second thing I go to Youtube for is "scandallous," gossipy news. Things like World Cup soccer fights and Britney Spears drama. It's like an interactive Star or US Weekly magazine.

I know some of my students have posted stuff on Youtube, which is pretty cool--the fact that they're making "creative" things and getting online audiences. What worries me about the Youtube era is that people are sometimes put on the site unwillingly--through someone else using a camera phone, digital camera w/ recording devices, etc.

A recent article in Radar magazine, "Prisoners of Youtube," best summed it up: "With 780 million camera phones sold worldwide in the last two years, no one is safe from senseless and random ridicule. The surveillance state we've been fretting about for so many years has snuck up on us. But it's not concerned with political control. It just wants to see people screw up."

I, like millions of others, like seeing people screw up... I just hope I don't end up being the screwed up one showcased on the site, for all the world to see.